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Zoom jokes 🧑🏽‍💻 in 2023

A teacher is teaching a 5th grade class on Zoom.
The teacher says to Susie, “Tell the class why you want to be a teacher.”

Susie says, “Actually, I want to be a stripper.”

The teacher asks, “A stripper? I thought you wanted to do my noble profession.”

Susie says, “That was before I saw your tiny apartment.”

The 12 Days of Corona
In the year 2020, the pandemic gave to me:
12 Cancelled Plans
11 Face Masks
10 Sanitizers
9 Murder Hornets
8 Zoom Calls
7 Mental Breakdowns
6 Feet Apart
5 Curbside Pickups
4 Quarantines
3 Travel Restrictions
2 Karens Complaining
And a massive shortage of Grocery Store TP

No one turns on their camera in zoom
– they have been infected by Novid-19

What kind of online exercise do sheep do together?

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German log on to a zoom call
– The host wants to check if his video is working, so he says: Can you all see me?
The Englishman says Yes . The Frenchman says Oui . The Spaniard says Si . The German says Ja .

Me: I have a zoom meeting later. My cat: Oh, me too

It is in the news today that Florida is having its first remote trial via zoom
– It’s looking like things will be settled out of court

A nail company name Nail Bay hired a publicity agency for a new video ad…
After 2 weeks they asked for a meeting to show the new video.

The video started with an aerial take from the desert and kept zooming into a tiny black spot, which as the zooms keep going is a cross with Jesus nailed on it.

Right after this , the screen goes black and the company logo is shown: Nail Bay!

The company is outraged and demand a new video saying this is offensive and inappropriate.

After another 2 weeks another meeting is set for them to show the video.
The video starts and the same take starts again, it’s a desert, the tiny black spot, which as the zoom keeps going shows an empty cross. Then it shows Jesus running from it.
The screen goes black again and it says.

They didn’t use Nail Bay, and Jesus now runs away!

PS: sorry for English, it is not my native language and also I just typed this from memory on mobile.

I showed up late for a Zoom meeting…
…when asked for a reason, I confessed: “You wouldn’t believe the network traffic”.

Someone asked me about my background and I gave a detailed reply, telling him about my education, career, relatives, hopes and dreams.
– Turns out he just wanted to know what was behind me on our Zoom call.

Champion Nails is in trouble…..
Stan owns Champion nails the company. Sales are well down. One night he meets an old friend in the local pub. (Its a nice old pub, with a lovely barmaid with a beautiful rack, and hops and things hanging everywhere). Anyway, Stan is telling his old friend – Chester, how things are not going well and unless the building trade doesn’t pick up soon, Champion nails will go bust. Chester tells Stan about a new advertising company his mate has set up. And arranges for Stan to meet up. The ad Co learns all about the nail business from Stan. They suggest an advertising campaign on TV at peak times. “We will go and get a commercial filmed especially tailored to promote Champion nails”. The ad exec says. A couple of weeks later, Stan goes to see the commercial that’s been made. On the tv screen appears ‘Champion Nails’ and the camera zooms in on a well presented pile of nails. “Our nails will fix anything” says the commentary. And then the picture changes to JC hanging on the cross! And yes you guessed it! Nailed with Champion nails. Buster is horrified and upset. He immediately turns the tv off and shouts “Are you insane? You/I cannot have my company shown to have any part in this! For Gods sake, think of a better way to save my company”. The ad exec clearly seeing Stan is upset, promises to sort it out. “Leave it with me”, he says.
2 weeks later, Stan is back. On the tv screen again pops up ‘Champion nails’. And again the camera zooms in on a well presented pile of nails. “Our nails will fix anything” says the tv voice. And the next shot is an empty cross on a beautiful sandy beach. But, right in the very distance you can see 2 figures running anyway. The camera zooms in and its 2 Roman centurions chasing JC who is well ahead of them. The camera just catches up with the Romans as one turns to the other and says “this would not have happened if we had used Champion nails’

Using Zoom for work was a bad idea.
– Since I can’t travel, I can’t get to box 350 Boston, Mass 02134

“Zoom meetings” is a stupid name, and it’s branded. We should call it a bit more casual like “coworker video chat”…
– Or something shorter, like “co-vid”.

Quarantine seasonal travel
Oman, I really can’t wait to Rome around.

Venice this going to get over?

You can’t say when this lockdown will be over, Kenya?

Quarantine has made my Delhi routine too boring.

I’ve been Washingtons of utensils.

This Spain is real.

Stay home, stay safe. What’s the Russia?

Maybe Indore is not such a bad place after all.

Wives are now Cochin their husbands new skills. (dish washing, mopping?)

At this rate, I see my savings Dublin.

I’ve decided to finally wear my New Jersey which I’ve been storing for ages.

Mysore throat is on account of endless Zoom chats these days.

We need all the Lucknow more than ever before.

I’m sorry, but Iran out of travel puns.

Dubai your masks and gloves and wear them.

Why is it called a zoom meeting
– When it should be a co-vid

when my boss asked me why I showed up late for our Zoom meeting, I told him that he wouldn’t believe the network traffic

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German log on to a zoom call
– The host wants to check if his video is working, so he says: “Can you all see me?”
The Englishman says “Yes”. The Frenchman says “Oui”. The Spaniard says “Si”. The German says “Ja”.

Phil Swift has a new product
– He puts on a pair of boots and says, ” I present to you the FlexBoots! Now this product may seem like ordinary boots, but with these bad boys you can run up walls, on the ceiling!” He goes on to demonstrate them by walking on random surfaces. “To show you the power FlexBoots”, the camera slowly zooms out, and inverts itself, showing Phil standing under an airplane .”I’m on an airplane!” The pilot of the plane looks out the window and says,

“Weird Flex but okay.”

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