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Zoom jokes 🧑🏽‍💻 in 2022

A teacher is teaching a 5th grade class on Zoom.
The teacher says to Susie, “Tell the class why you want to be a teacher.”

Susie says, “Actually, I want to be a stripper.”

The teacher asks, “A stripper? I thought you wanted to do my noble profession.”

Susie says, “That was before I saw your tiny apartment.”

Being a freshman everyone always told me first year would go quickly…
– but I didn’t realise it would ZOOM

(im sorry)

“Zoom meetings” is a stupid name, and it’s branded. We should call it a bit more casual like “coworker video chat”…
– Or something shorter, like “co-vid”.

in an awkward zoom meeting and I ask my girlfriend “should i ask him how he’s doing?” & then I realize I’m not muted

The International Flat Earth Society Annual Conference was going to be held on Zoom this year.
– Unfortunately they all agreed on the same start time.

The Grandfather and the Dalmatian
A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties.

“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one child.

“No,” said another. “He’s just for good luck.”

A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrants.”

I muted my boss in a zoom call
– He fired me for mute-iny.

Working from home means finding out which meetings could’ve been emails after all.

Wise men speak because they have something to say. Fools speak because they have to say something. I have to speak
– because my boss tracks my work and Zoom is my only connection to the real virtual world… now the screen glare is bad and this par 3 has water a sand trap and there is a nasty cross wind..

A true story.
Two little fleas… They meet at a bar in Florida. They vacation together all the time. One year, the second little flea arrives, and he’s freezing, freezing cold. And he says, “Ooh, ooh, I was just zooming down from Jersey in the mustache of some guy on a motorcycle, and I am frozen!” And the first flea says, “Well, that is no way to come down to Florida. Here’s what you do. You go into an airport bar, you have a few drinks. You find a beautiful stewardess, you climb up her leg, you nestle right in her warm, soft… you know what I mean? You get a good night’s sleep, and you wake up in Florida. Now that is the way to travel!” A year goes by, vacation comes. In comes the second flea again. Freezing cold, again. And the first flea goes: “Well, okay, why are you cold? Didn’t you do what I said?” The second flea says, “I did exactly what you said. I went into a bar, I had a couple of drinks, I climbed right up the leg of a beautiful stewardess, I nestled in, and I passed out all snuggled up. Next thing you know, I am zooming down the freeway in the mustache of some guy on a motorcycle!”

During a business meeting yesterday, someone asked me about my background. So I told him about my education, career, family, hopes and dreams.
– Turns out he was asking about what was behind me on our Zoom call.

On the eve of Joe Biden’s inauguration, prominent members of the previous Democrat administrations have a Zoom call to toast the end of the Trump presidency.
– Among other topics, conversation turns to Amazon and Google’s targeted marketing and the methods they employ. To lighten the mood, Bill Clinton suggests that he and his former vice-president have an impromptu jam session for everyone on saxophone and bongos respectively, something they secretly did at times of stress back in the day.

The next morning, while nursing a slight hangover, Barack Obama checks YouTube while he waits for his coffee to brew. To his surprise, given the previous evening’s conversation, his suggestions screen is swamped with saxophone jazz videos.

Astonished, he says to Michelle: “How does YouTube know to show me these things?’

She thinks for a second and says:

‘Must be the Al Gore rhythm.’

They shouldn’t have called it zoom
– Co-vid woulda been a better name

just logged onto my zoom meeting with my therapist and quickly realized my virtual background was still a picture of my ass

— kayla

What Do You Call Mondays without Any Zoom Meetings?
– Meetless Mondays

I don’t know how to tell my future child
– That zoomers doesn’t mean the generation that learned through zoom

– My boss always laughed at my jokes at work but since the pandemic she never laughs at them in Zoom chats. I asked her why doesn’t she laugh at them anymore.

She replied, “Because your jokes aren’t remotely funny.”

The lion was a an avid golf player
– One day, he was randomly paired up with another cat. This cat was something else. Every time he’d tee off, zoom! He’d go running down the fairway, often beating the ball down the hole.

Not only was he fast as but he was good, really good. Every shot landed in the fairway, or even on the green. It seemed as the round went on, the cat was hitting the ball further and further, until he got a hole in one on the final hole.

Impressed, the lion offered to pair with him for future doubles matches, but alas, it was not to be, as everyone else knew that the lions new friend was nothing but a cheetah.

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