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Zoom jokes 🧑🏽‍💻 in 2025

A teacher is teaching a 5th grade class on Zoom.
The teacher says to Susie, “Tell the class why you want to be a teacher.”

Susie says, “Actually, I want to be a stripper.”

The teacher asks, “A stripper? I thought you wanted to do my noble profession.”

Susie says, “That was before I saw your tiny apartment.”

The 12 Days of Corona
In the year 2020, the pandemic gave to me:
12 Cancelled Plans
11 Face Masks
10 Sanitizers
9 Murder Hornets
8 Zoom Calls
7 Mental Breakdowns
6 Feet Apart
5 Curbside Pickups
4 Quarantines
3 Travel Restrictions
2 Karens Complaining
And a massive shortage of Grocery Store TP

Teacher, may I borrow a pencil?
Jimmy: Teacher, may I borrow a pencil?

Teacher: I don’t know, can you?

Jimmy: What? Last time I asked, you told me to use “May I”. So unfair!

Teacher: Quit clowning around, Jimmy, you know you can’t borrow a pencil over Zoom.

A software salesman died and was greeted by St. Peter at the gate to heaven.
Upon examining the great book, St.Peter tells the salesman he has an equal number of good and bad things in his life’s history, so the choice of heaven or hell is his decision to make.

The salesman, hesitant to make such a momentous decision, asks if he can tour both places to assist him with his choice. St. Peter says sure and calls up a cloud for him to ride through heaven. He floats around and sees streets of gold and people playing harps and hears voices singing. Definitely a nice place, but definitely boring.

He returns and St. Peter points to a very long escalator which the salesman rides down. At the bottom of the escalator is a white sand beach, beautiful people playing volleyball, his favorite rock music and cater waiters everywhere providing food and drinks. As far as the eye could see, it was paradise.

The salesman returns to St. Peter and states that while heaven was a very nice, serene place, hell was definitely the happening place where he wanted to be. St. Peter gives him a key card to the express elevator and wishes him the best.

The elevator zooms to the bottom floor and the doors open to a blast of heat and the stench of sulfur. As he steps out, a beast leaps from behind a rock and begins chewing his leg. Barely able to crawl, the salesman looks up to see the devil himself and asks, “Where are the beaches and the beautiful people?”

The devil chuckles and says, “Really? You didn’t realize that was just a demo?”

What do you call a quick video-conference at the Mazda factory?
– A zoom-zoom zoom Zoom.

I told a joke over my zoom meeting
– It wasn’t even remotely funny

Some people say:’ why don’t they protest peacefully?’
– And then here comes this guy: ‘why don’t they just do a Zoom protest? ’.

Those Zoom doctor appointments are not very good.
– Especially when your doctor has you stick your finger up your own ass and then you find out that he isn’t really a doctor and you are in the wrong meeting.

Remember that one time when you had to get out of bed and actually commute to your office? Yeah, me neither.

President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.
Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.

The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he’d be giving out free bottles of water.

Biden and Obrador were confused and gave the Irish President a Zoom call. “We kinda expected you to give out free Guiness, being from Ireland and all”

The Irish President replied: “Well, if you guys aren’t giving out beer, then neither am I.”

At the Bee Prom…
A young bee nervously flies around hoping to grab a dance with the queen bee. Finally he musters up the courage and talks to her. She looks at him and says “I’ll dance with you if you get me some fruit punch”
Excited, the bee zooms to get the punch. He sees the line for nachos, the ice cream machine, the honey line, but after hours of searching he realizes…
There is no punch line

Breaking: CNN legal analyst caught masturbating on a Zoom call
Guess you could say he just couldn’t keep his Toobin his pants

I have a joke about zoom but can you hear me?



Let me logout and login again

A nomad had been wandering the desert by foot for many years. He has saved up some money on his travels and decided that his walking days were over and it was time to buy a camel.
– He went to the nearest camel ranch and asked the ranch owner what type of camel he could get for the money he had.
“I am sorry,” said the rancher “that’s not even enough for the cheapest camel.” The nomad looked forlorn until the rancher said “we do have this one camel though, we weren’t going to sell him because he’s kinda special, but I’ll sell him to you in you like?” The nomad was overjoyed, “Yes, please! What is so special about him?”
“To make him walk you have to say ‘go’ and to make him gallop you have to say ‘phew.’ To make him stop simply say ‘amen.’ Have you got that?”
“I think so, yeah!” Replied the nomad. He paid his many, got on the camel and said “go!” and it began to walk. After awhile as he had gotten used to the camel, he decided to try to go a bit faster and so he said “phew” and it burst to life. It started hurtling through the desert, bounding over dunes and zooming past oasis’s.

Suddenly, the nomad saw that ahead there was a gapping gorge and the camel was charging straight for it. He began tugging on the reins of the camel, pleading for it to stop, but, it wouldn’t and he had completely forgotten the word to make it do so!
“Oh god help me!” cried the nomad. He began to pray, “God, please don’t let me die on this camel, amen.” And of course it came immediately to a dead stop right at the very edge of the deep gorge.
“Phew” said the nomad.

People that said 2020 would fly by…
…Didn’t know that it would zoom

No one turns on their camera in zoom
– they have been infected by Novid-19

What kind of online exercise do sheep do together?
– Zoom-BAAAAAH!

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German log on to a zoom call
– The host wants to check if his video is working, so he says: Can you all see me?
The Englishman says Yes . The Frenchman says Oui . The Spaniard says Si . The German says Ja .

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