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Zoom jokes 🧑🏽‍💻 in 2023

A teacher is teaching a 5th grade class on Zoom.
The teacher says to Susie, “Tell the class why you want to be a teacher.”

Susie says, “Actually, I want to be a stripper.”

The teacher asks, “A stripper? I thought you wanted to do my noble profession.”

Susie says, “That was before I saw your tiny apartment.”

The 12 Days of Corona
In the year 2020, the pandemic gave to me:
12 Cancelled Plans
11 Face Masks
10 Sanitizers
9 Murder Hornets
8 Zoom Calls
7 Mental Breakdowns
6 Feet Apart
5 Curbside Pickups
4 Quarantines
3 Travel Restrictions
2 Karens Complaining
And a massive shortage of Grocery Store TP

Turning off your Zoom camera is like getting food from a buffet at a party
– You want to do it, but you don’t want to be the first, and you definitely don’t want to be the only

Today at work, I saw three pantless beautiful ladies
– in a Zoom meeting

Raise your hand if you’ve been caught masturbating on a Zoom call.
– Maybe you should have raised the other hand.

I told a joke over a Zoom meeting… it wasn’t even remotely funny.

What do you call the phenomenon where nobody can hear you on Zoom?
– A Mute-ation

You don’t see that everyday.
– A man was driving his ferrari down a country road when a farmer flagged him down and said that his tractor died in a field and needed a little help. The man agreed to help tow the farmer’s tractor back to his farm. They agreed that the tractor’s left blinker meant speed up and the right blinker meant slow down. While the Ferrari was towing the tractor, a Lamborghini zoomed passed. The Ferrari driver forgot all about the tractor and the farmer and floored it. The two sports cars tore down the high way at incredible speeds. After awhile, the racers passed a police car and the police car radioed ahead about the speeders.

“Hey yeah, this is Jim. I’m warning you about a Ferrari and Lamborghini racing at 190 mph. But what you really need to be careful about is the tractor trying to pass them on the left.”

Just got offered a job working for Formula1
– After a very successful zoom interview.

Colleges are still offering study abroad courses…
…via Zoom meeting.

I feel really bad for the class of 2020. They say the year really flies by.
– I just didn’t realize it would Zoom.

Why is Neil Diamond always late to Zoom meetings?
– He’s forever in BlueJeans, yeah!

Me: This show is boring…
Boss: Again, this is a Zoom conference!

What do you call a quick video-conference at the Mazda factory?
– A zoom-zoom zoom Zoom.

I’m getting paid a lot to shut down Zoom calls…
– Now I’m making ends meet by making meets end!

I was just on a Zoom call that ended automatically after 40 minutes because the organizer was on a free tier. This is the single greatest advance to meeting productivity that I’ve ever seen. Would pay extra for this feature

True story. Chicago-area preschool teacher teaching remotely today because of the storms. Her dogs started barking like crazy, interrupting the Zoom. She looked out her window and told/apologized to the class that the shovelers were there. 4 year old classmate replies,
“Wow, your shovelers sound like dogs!”

Been laughing at that one all day.

A duck was standing on the curb
– Cars zoomed past the duck while he waited for a break in traffic. A chicken walked up to him and said “Don’t do it, man. You’ll never hear the end of it.”

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