Jeep jokes in 2024

98% of all Jeeps ever made are still on the road today.
– The other 2% made it home.

What brand of car would the Roadrunner be?
– Jeep Jeep

I like my women like I like my jeep
Topless and easy to get into.

My wife crashed the car listening to Adele,
– She was rolling in the jeep

98% of all Jeeps ever made are still on the road today.
– The other 2% made it home.

I bought my wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday.
A friend of mine said, “I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-wheel drive vehicles?”
– “She did,” I replied, “But where in the world was I going to find a fake jeep!”

An English, and Irishman and a Scotsman…
…are traveling through the desert in a jeep but eventually run out of fuel. They continue the journey by foot but only take 1 item each.
The Englishman takes an umbrella, when asked why he replies, “I can use it to provide shade against the hot sun”.
The Scotsman takes the biggest bottle of scotch, when asked why he replies, “To quench my thirst”.
The Irishman takes a door from the jeep, when asked why he replies, “When I get to hot, I can just roll down the window”.

A shepherd is relaxing after a long day, when a businessman comes by…
A shepherd is relaxing after a long day, when a businessman comes by.

He’s sat on the grass, chewing on a straw, watching his sheep roam around under the last rays of the setting sun. A jeep leaving behind clouds of dust stops before him, and off gets a businessman clad in an expensive suit and leather shoes with a camera on his hands.

The businessman starts snapping pictures of the surrounding area and, once he’s finished, looks at the shepherd with curiosity and asks, “Is this your land?”

“Aye…” responds the shepherd.

A look of glee forms in the businessman’s eyes as he asks again, “And are those your sheep?”

“Aye…” says the shepherd.

“Would you sell some of your land?” asks the businessman.

The shepherd looks up, studying the businessman with a cautious look, before searching upon his eyes and asks “And why would I do that?”

“So you can make some money, and buy more sheep,” explains the businessman with a smirk.

“And why would I buy more sheep?” asks the shepherd.

“So you can sell their wool, and make more money,” says the businessman.

“And why would I do that?” insists the shepherd.

“So you can buy even more sheep, and sell even more wool,” says the businessman.

“And why would I do that?” asks the shepherd.

“So, at some point, you can build a factory and fill it with looms,” says the businessman.

“And why would I do that?” asks the shepherd.

“So you can make your wool into clothes, instead of selling it, and make even more money,” explains the businessman.

The shepherd looks at his sheep for a second, spitting out the chewed straw, and asks, “And why would I do that?”

“So you can buy more and more sheep, sell more and more clothes, and make more and more money,” says the businessman, getting giddy at the thought.

“And why would I do that?” asks the shepherd.

“So you can be rich!” offers the businessman.

“And why would I want that?” asks the shepherd.

“So you can build yourself a mansion. Right here!” says the businessman, tapping the ground with his foot.

“And why would I do that?” asks the shepherd.

“So you can have a big bedroom. On the top floor! With big windows! And a big balcony!” says the businessman, his voice increasing in volume.

“And why would I do that?” asks the shepherd.

“So you can sit back, look over your sheep, enjoy the sunset… Enjoy life!” says the businessman, practically jumping up with excitement.

“Aye… And what do you think I was doing before you came here?”

Money makes every thing…
– A girl missed her period 2 months ago,her mom
took her to the clinic for pregnancy test of which
it was positive.Embarrased, her mom said; who
is the pig that got you pregnant? The girl picked
up her phone and made a call, an hour later,a
young handsome man drove in Ferrari to the
girl’s house. Good evening, the man greeted.
Your daughter told me the problem in the house.
I can’t marry for now because of my family
issue, but I promise I will take care of her for the
rest of her life, and if she gives birth to a girl,I
promised to buy her a mansion, 2 jeeps and 1
million dollars. If it’s a boy, I’ll buy her houses in
a country side, 5 jeeps, 2 big factories and
5million dollars in her account. If it’s twins, I’ll do
anything…
she asked. But if there’s miscarriage,
what do you suggest i do? The girls father
silently tap the young man on his shoulder and
said; my son, if there is miscarriage, you’ll sleep
with her again…….

My wife crashed the car while listening to Adele last night
She ended up rolling in the Jeep.

My wife crashed the car listening to Adele,
– She was rolling in the jeep

A man goes on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. Whilst stretching their legs outside the jeep a lion jumps out of the bushes and corners the mother-in-law
– The man’s wife screams at her husband ‘Please! can’t you do anything to help!’

The man replies ‘The lion got itself into this mess, it can get itself out’

I like my women like I like my jeep
– Topless and easy to get into.

Anton Yelchin (Chekhov in *Star Trek*), was crushed by his Jeep.
You could say he died in a “transporter malfunction.”

A wealthy lawyer spent four weeks every year in his luxury treehouse in the hills.
– Every summer, he invited one of his friends to stay with him for a couple of days. One summer he invited a Czech friend to visit him. They spent a wonderful time there, getting up early every morning and enjoying the great outdoors.
One morning, as they were picking some berries for their breakfast under the house, two huge bears, a male and a female, approached them. The lawyer had time to run for cover, but his friend wasn’t so lucky. The male bear swallowed him whole. Seeing this, the lawyer ran to his Jeep and raced to the town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and they raced back with the lawyer. Luckily, the bears were still under the luxury tree house.
‘He is in that one!’ yelled the lawyer, pointing at the male.
The sheriff looked at the bears, leveled his shotgun, took careful aim, and shot the female bear.
‘Why did you do that?!’ exclaimed the lawyer, ‘I said he was in the other bear!’
‘Indeed. Would you believe a lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the male?’

I just bought a SUV…
… Because it was a’going Jeep.

I just named my new Jeep, “Elizabeth Warren.”
– It’s white. But it claims to be a Cherokee.