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Jeep jokes in 2023

My wife crashed the car listening to Adele,
– She was rolling in the jeep

I bought my wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday.
A friend of mine said, “I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-wheel drive vehicles?”
– “She did,” I replied, “But where in the world was I going to find a fake jeep!”

A general is being driven in a jeep through the desert on the way to a training exercise.
– Out in the middle of nowhere, the jeep breaks down. The female jeep driver jumps out, opens the hood and starts working on the engine. The general, wanting to be helpful, finds a toolbox in the back and opens it. “Do you want a screwdriver?” he asks.

“Might as well, it’s going to be a while before anyone shows up,” she says!

A week ago my Jeep broke down and I had to scrap it
– Today I found out my friend got the exact same model Jeep.
I’m pretty sure its a reincarnation

Army Wargames
During an Army war game, a commanding officer’s jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.

“Sorry sir, “said one of the loafers, “but we’ve been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn’t contribute in any way.”

The officer turned to his driver and said, “Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction.”

They helped.

I just bought the personalized license plate BAA BAA…
– For my black jeep…

My wife crashed the car while listening to Adele last night
– She ended up rolling in the Jeep.

I just bought a JEEP and named her “Elizabeth Warren”
– Because it’s all white but it says it’s a Cherokee on the side of it.

What brand of car would the Roadrunner be?
– Jeep Jeep

Three guys are driving through the desert in an old Jeep when it breaks down 50 miles from the nearest watering hole.
Guy 1 claims “it’s only 50 miles to water, grab what we need to protect us from the heat and let’s walk” he gathers up a water container and car seat blanket and sets off.

Guy 2 thinks for a while and then decides to follow, so he grabs an old umbrella from the trunk and follows guy 1, pleased that the umbrella will give him shade from the immense heat.

Guy 3 considers for a short while, then gets to work dismantling the Jeep door before setting off to follow the other guys.

Eventually, after about 2 miles guy 1 notices guy 3 pulling the car door. “Why the hell are you dragging that car door” he asks.

Stunned, guy 3 replies “because it if gets too hot I can wind down the window”

What’s the difference between a jeep and a rental car?
– A rental car can go anywhere

I just bought a SUV…
… Because it was a’going Jeep.

A man is driving down the motor way in the fast lane with a trailer full of monkeys
– he notices his friends jeep in the adjacent lane. He slows down and ushers his friend to pull down the window.

“John I’m in a massive rush, if I give you $50 could you bring these monkeys to the zoo?”

“No problem” replies John

About 4 hours later, the man drives the opposite direction on the motorway and is surprised to see John’s truck with the monkeys still in the back. He ushers John to roll down his window once more.

“John wtf are you doing? I gave you $50 to bring those monkeys to the zoo”.

“I did” replies John
“But I had money leftover so we are off to the cinema”.

What do you call a driving sheep?
– A Jeep

What’s the difference between a rental car and a Jeep?
– There are some places you wouldn’t take a Jeep.

A biologist, a statistician, a mathematician and a computer scientist are on a photo-safari in Africa
– They drive out on the savannah in their jeep, stop and scout the horizon with their binoculars.

The biologist says, “Look! There’s a herd of zebras! And there, in the middle, a white zebra! There are white zebra’s! We’ll be famous!”

The statistician explains, “It’s not significant. We only know there’s one white zebra.”

The mathematician corrects him: “Actually, we only know there exists a zebra, which is white on one side.”

The computer scientist exclaims “Oh, no! A special case!”

Nissan is rear-ending a Jeep in England.
Immediately from the Jeep are jumping two huge americans. They go over to the other car, pull the guy out, and start beating him. He is starting to scream:
“Come on, guys, stop!”
They continue.
He tries to stop them again, but they don’t listen.
Then he says:
“Come on, guys, please stop, we are in England!”
They answer to him:
“We don’t care that we are in England, this is how we do things in America, so you are not getting away with it.”
Then he shouts to them:
“Jesus, guys, you are bloody idiots, this is England, the driver is in the other seat!”

PS Sorry for the bad english, its not my native language.

So a guys goes into an auto parts store and asks for a fuel cap for his Jeep.
– The sales guy thinks for a moment and says, Yeah, O.K. that is a fair swap.

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