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Lobster jokes 🦞 in 2022

Have you heard about the lobster who started going to the gym?
– It pulled a mussel.

The waiter got quiet and simply said, “We just tell him the truth, man. ‘This is the end of the line.’”
– He gave the man behind the stand a $5 bill and awaited his tail.
Instead, the man spoke up and said, “Once upon a time, there was this lobster…”

I went to a Mary Poppins themed restaurant last night
– Super cauliflower cheese, but the lobster was atrocious!

What kind of helmet does a lobster wear?
– A shell-met!

Didn’t you meet a beautiful crustacean the other day?
– Yes, but it seems that I lobst her phone number.

Why is the lobster wearing seashells?
– Because she was shore they were current-ly trending.

Why couldn’t the woman eat shrimp, lobsters, and clams that have been cooked by heated water vapor?
– She has shellfish steam issues.

I wouldn’t let Sean Connery play with my pet lobsters.
– He called me a “Shellfish Basterd.”

How did the lobster get home last night?
– He took a crab.

Have you heard, the new lobster neighbors didn’t give any gifts to anyone on Christmas?
– They’re quite shellfish.

What would you call a marine crustacean who’s the gangster of the sea?
– The mobster lobster.

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
– One is a crusty bus station the other is a busty crustacean

Why did the lobster blush?
– It saw the ocean’s bottom.

Where do lobsters and crabs go when they have to catch their trains?…
– They all go to King’s Crustation.

What is the basic difference between a lobster and a mobster?
– Just one ransom letter.

Did you hear about the fight at Red Lobster?
– Four fish were battered!

A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night and he gets crabs
– So the next day, he goes back to complain.

What does the crab say when she’s disagreeing with the lobster?
– “I don’t quite sea it that way!”

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