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Grandpa jokes 👴 in 2025

Grandpa Mike died this weekend.
– He led a simple life, loved by family and friends while enjoying a long career as a crop duster. In accordance with his final wishes, his cremated remains will be mixed with water and sprayed over the seashore where he spent his final days. He will be mist.

Grandpa asked me how to print on his new computer.
I said: “Just control-p.”

He said: “I haven’t been able to do that for years!”

Why do you think grandpa says that he was made upside down?
– Because his feet smell and his nose is always running.

Why did grandpa say, “Ask grandma for picnic permission”?
– Because it won’t be allowed if grandma said no!

During a church service, a grandfather leans over to his wife and whispers, “I just let out a fart. It was silent. What should I do now?”
– Grandma answers, “You need to change the batteries in your hearing aid.”

I asked my Grandpa. “What were your good old days”. He said…
– “They were before I was good and before I was old”

Got this from my grandpa.
What is the similarity between 2 clocks and 2 women?

Ans:
They never agree.

What does grandpa do when you tell him to change his hearing aid?
– He doesn’t listen.

What did the lawyer grandfather say to the waiter who wrote the bill at the cash counter?
– Whoever writes it, pays for it.

Homeschooling is going well. Two students suspended for fighting and one teacher fired for drinking on the job!

Grandpa walks into his grandson watching a football match
Grandpa: who’s playing?

Grandson: Czech and Slovakia

Grandpa: against who?

Punctuations saves lives
– Lets eat Grandpa!

Lets eat , Grandpa!

Why are grandparents and grandchildren always close to each other?
– They both have a common enemy at the homefront who makes a fuss about eating sweets.

Why do grandpas always smile?
– Because they cannot hear anything that you are saying.

My wheelchair bound grandpa is in the nursing home.
– I went to visit him for the first time. As we’re discussing the local baseball team, he starts slowly leaning to the right in his chair. A nurse come running over and straightens him back up.

As the topic turns to football, he slowly starts leaning to the left. The same nurse rushes over to straighten him up again.

As she walked away, I asked:

Me: So gramps, how do you like living here so far?

A tear starts running down his face as he gets this wistful look in his eyes.

Grandpa: it’s not too bad. I just wish they would let me fart

So my grandpa told me a story…
– He told me that back in his day, he would walk into the store with a nickel, and come out with 4 cans of soda, 2 king sized candy bars, and a pack of gum.

But today there are too many damn cameras!

What did grandpa call the movie ‘avatar’?
– Smurfs for the grown-ups.

From what did grandpa say he suffered a high degree of stress?
– From grandma.

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