Most Popular Categories

All Categories

Weekend jokes in 2022

Wasted weekend
– A wasted weekend is not a waste of a weekend

Where can you have a Fry-day every day?
– In Grease.

What is an egg’s least favorite holiday?
– Good fry-day.

Do you know why I stay up late on weekends?
– Because sleep is for the week.

I get so lonely on the weekends….
that I log into all my online accounts so my phone text tone goes off with authentication codes that I can pretend are my friends texting me.

Where does a nerdy person spend their Black Friday?
– Geology museum because they get great shales there.

What should you do when life gives you lemons?
– Ask for more Friday nights instead.

I think we should swap the weekend days
– Because Sundays are definitely sadder days.

Grandpa Mike died this weekend.
– He led a simple life, loved by family and friends while enjoying a long career as a crop duster. In accordance with his final wishes, his cremated remains will be mixed with water and sprayed over the seashore where he spent his final days. He will be mist.

Expensive Perfume
So, big Moira, from Glasgow, is on a weekend trip to London.

She is in an elevator in a Harrods, when two young and beautiful women get into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.

Big Moira remarks, “My, what nice aromas!”

One of the women turns, looks Moira up and down then says ARROGANTLY,
“Romance VIP” by Ralph Loren, £150 an ounce!”

The other young and beautiful woman also very ARROGANTLY turns to Moira saying, “Channel No. 5 Exclusive, £200 an ounce!”

Big Moira is feeling a bit insulted from these uncalled for remarks made to her.

The elevator gets to the third floor and Moira is about to get out.

Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over and drops a loud and deadly one and says…..
“Cabbage from Lidl… 49 pence a pound.”

What do you call people who were born on Friday the 13th?
– By their names.

What do you call it when you have to finish your homework on a Friday?
– A cryday night.

I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
– Now I have $2,999,999.75.

During the week I keep getting sick all the time.
– I must have a weekend immune system

My 3 watts blue laser pointer finally arrived and I played with it over the weekend.
– I can no longer see why people say these devices were so dangerous.

What do you call a Friday that is not serious about anything in life?
– Casual Friday.

What do you call a hilarious joke on Friday?
– A Good Friday joke.

I met my girlfriend’s parents last weekend.
– Me: I’m a big fan of your work.

Most Popular Categories

All Categories v

  • Submit a joke
  • Follow us on Facebook