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Weekend jokes in 2024

What did a worker say to another worker who was not feeling like working on a Friday?
– “Just a few more hours of work left, weekend make it!”

Is Good Friday a sad day?
– Yes, but the next day’s a Sadderday.

Wasted weekend
– A wasted weekend is not a waste of a weekend

What do you call people who were born on Friday the 13th?
– By their names.

What do you call it when you have to finish your homework on a Friday?
– A cryday night.

I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
– Now I have $2,999,999.75.

During the week I keep getting sick all the time.
– I must have a weekend immune system

My 3 watts blue laser pointer finally arrived and I played with it over the weekend.
– I can no longer see why people say these devices were so dangerous.

What do you call a Friday that is not serious about anything in life?
– Casual Friday.

What do you call a hilarious joke on Friday?
– A Good Friday joke.

I met my girlfriend’s parents last weekend.
– Me: I’m a big fan of your work.

A man sleeps until 12:30, because it’s the weekend and he doesn’t have work.
– He would have slept longer, but at 12:30 his wife yelled: “Wake up, you’ve slept long enough!” The man, annoyed, grumbles: “Why?” His wife, also annoyed, asks: “Haven’t you got some things to do around the house?!” The man, checking his phone, says: “Oh yeah, I have a nap at 12:45, so wake me up at 12:40”, and goes back to sleep.

Where can you get 100% off on everything on Black Friday?
– At home by not going out.

What does an employee look forward to on Friday nights?
– The next Friday night.

How much fun did the priest have on the weekend?
– Nun

I’m having an Avengers themed party this weekend, but due to COVID-19 restrictions…
…it’s going to be a Loki affair.

Teacher: “Hello class! What did you do on your weekend?”
Student: “My father fell into a pit”

Teacher: “Oh no! Is he OK?”

Student: “I think so, he stopped calling for help today.”

Do you think Friday the 13th is scary?
– No, but Fri 10, maybe.

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