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Weekend jokes in 2024

Wasted weekend
– A wasted weekend is not a waste of a weekend

What did a worker say to another worker who was not feeling like working on a Friday?
– “Just a few more hours of work left, weekend make it!”

Is Good Friday a sad day?
– Yes, but the next day’s a Sadderday.

What should have been the name of the sequel of Friday the 13th?
– Saturday the 14th.

What does Friday smell like?
– Weekends.

“How can you watch Victoria Secret Fashion Week but still claim you love only me?” My wife asked
” The same way I watch Formula One whole weekend but still drive my trusted 2012 Toyota Camry everyday” I replied..

That satisfied her…

I just failed to mention I take rental at Enterprise when I go on business trips

Cold war joke.
There’s a sale on panties at the New York Macy’s store
An American woman goes to the checkout with 7 panties.
Cashier:” Only 7? They’re on sale this week.
The woman replies,”No Thanks,7 is all. One for every day of the week.”
Next in line is a woman from France with 5 panties.
Cashier:”Only 5? They’re on sale.
“Thank You,but no. I have one for each weekday and on weekends I’m a free spirit(wink wink)
Next in line a great big burly Russian woman with 12.
Cashier: Well 12,that’s a nice even amount.
Russian. “Yes 12…..Jan,February,March,April……..

Why couldn’t Friday lift the heavy weights?
– Because it was a weak day.

How does Good Friday end?
– With a ‘y’.

What color were the skies over the Bahamas thus weekend?
– Dorian Gray.

I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
– Now I have $2,999,999.75.

Why was the customer unhappy with the vacuum he brought on black Friday sales?
– It sucked.

What is the thing that almost sounds unreal but is actually very real?
– Boring Friday.

I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend

Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.

I only drink on the weekends,
Friday thru Thursday.

(This used to be the case anyway. Today marks 10 years since my last drink. I am thankful to have made it this far and won’t ever go back.)

I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend
– Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.

What’s scarier than Friday the 13th?
– Mondays.

What does God gift to hardworking people?
– Fridays.

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