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Weekend jokes in 2024

What did a worker say to another worker who was not feeling like working on a Friday?
– “Just a few more hours of work left, weekend make it!”

Is Good Friday a sad day?
– Yes, but the next day’s a Sadderday.

Wasted weekend
– A wasted weekend is not a waste of a weekend

On my weekends I’ve been inventing a machine that can distribute herbs and spices to any place at my dining table.
– It’s not much, but it passes the thyme.

Wasted weekend
– A wasted weekend, is not a waste of a weekend

What did the horse get for Black Friday?
– A Macintosh.

What is the only thing better than a Friday night?
– A Monday holiday.

Who won the Superbowl?
– Tune in after the weekend to find out

I love to go shoot pool with my friends on weekends.
– The swimmers don’t much care for it though

When I was younger, my dad went to prison because he set his boss’s house on fire. I always wondered if I’d wind up in jail like my old man, so I visited him one weekend and I asked him, “Dad, are we all pyromaniacs in this family?” And he said…
“Yes we are, son.”

Who can profit a lot on Friday the 13th?
– Tailors because they know a lot of superstitchens.

What fun activity did the student do after finishing school on Friday?
– He went home.

The weekend
– Usually I think the weekend goes by too quickly but after the Super Bowl halftime show, it seems The Weekend went on forever.

To play it safe I got all 3 shots this weekend
– A shot of Crown Royal, a shot of Jim Beam, and a shot of Jack Daniels.

My beautiful colleague asked if I was free this weekend.
“Of course!” I can’t be any more happier.

“Good.” She replied: “Can I switch shift with you?”

What is faster than the Flash?
– Friday nights.

Why did my dad not go to work on Good Friday?
– Because it was a holy-day.

I went fishing at the weekend and there was this bloke splashing about in the middle of the lake shouting, “I can’t swim! I can’t swim!”
– “It’s alright, mate,” I shouted, pointing at a nearby sign, “It says no swimming anyway.”

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