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Planet jokes 🪐🌍🌑 in 2024

Why won’t Pluto throw a birthday party?
– It can’t even planet

I wanted to throw an earth day party…
– But I forgot to planet

Two aliens are talking about a desolate planet Earth…
– The first alien asks : ” How did all the humans die?”

The second alien says : “They used so much toilet paper they wiped themselves out.”

What the the planet Jupiter say to Neptune?
– I can see Uranus from here.

Earth is the third planet from the sun.
– By this logic, all countries are third world countries

What do you get when you combine A planet and an apple?
– Ma Rio

Today I pulled a key off my keyboard [long]
– Today I pulled one of the CTRL keys from my keyboard and was shocked to find myself looking down at the entire universe: stars planets, black holes, the whole thing was right there beneath my keyboard.

I was so shocked I called a friend in to show her. After five minutes of gazing into totality, she turned to me and said:

Don’t worry, it seems you have everything under control here.

It’s the year 2070. Instead of putting funny one-liners in Christmas crackers, they put them in timecapsules embedded in space-rocks and send them to other planets.
– The real joke is in the comets

An alien mothership is scouting planet Earth.
– Alien Scout: Sir, the Humans appear to possess massive military capabilities, nuclear weapons included.

Alien Commander: This is problematic, are they really such an intelligent species?

Alien Scout: Apparently not Sir, they appear to have them pointed at themselves.

Why is a planet that is earthquake-free so awesome?
– Because it’s crack-a-lackin’

Why was the astronomer so good at finding new planets?
– He was out standing in his field

So aliens flew by our planet recently and one asked the other…
– Alien 1 How advanced is that civilization?

Alien 2 They have discovered nuclear technology.

Alien 1 Oh boy… That’s pretty intelligent. We better keep our distance then from their missles.

Alien 2 Nah, they’re not that smart yet. They have em pointed at themselves.

How can you ensure you visit outer space someday?
– Planet.

A Republican and a Democrat found a magic lamp
– The genie said “I will grant one wish per person”. The Republican immediately jumped forward and said “I wish all Republicans and conservatives had their own planet, separate from all these libs.” The genie nodded and the Republican vanished. The Democrat then asked “Are they all on their own planet?” “Yes” said the genie. “Are you sure? All of them?” The genie said “Yes” one more time. Then the Democrat said “I guess I’ll just have a glass of water then.”

In the 80’s we used to think in 2020 we’ll have flying cars cities on other planets, blah blah blah….
– But No! Here we are, teaching people how to wash hands !!!

The boy who would become the anti-Christ has already been born in our planet…
– Fortunately, his mom was an anti-vaxxer and died at the age of 6 from the measles.

All 8 planets are singing Happy Birthday to the Sun and it sounds terrible.
– Everyone turns to Earth and Earth says, “don’t look at me, I’m not flat”

I planned on making a joke about the Solar System…..
– But not right now, I’ll planet later.

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