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Cooking jokes 🍳👩‍🍳 in 2022

My little girl loves helping me when I’m doing the cooking, because I always let her lick the spoon.
– The sooner she’s old enough to buy her own heroin, the better.

While cooking, I got ketchup in my eye, but I didn’t wash it
– because Heinzsight is 20/20!

What is a nice guys’ favorite cooking utensil?
M’Ladle
*tips fedora*
Just kidding, it’s his mom. He doesn’t cook.

An old man is at home on his death bed
– When suddenly he smells something amazing. It’s the smell of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. And with his last strength, he gets out of bed, and he goes to the kitchen, where his wife of 50 years, is cooking these beautiful chocolate chip cookies. And they are on a plate of four of them, just out of the oven. And with his last human strength, he reaches over to take one of the cookies, and his wife sees him, she rushes over, she slaps his hand, and she says, “No, they are for the funeral.”

Why did the chef start cutting herbs when he got bored during his job?
– He began to waste thyme!

Rick went to a Chinese restaurant to have a beverage. He asked the waiter for more tea!

There was a disagreement with my wife. She claimed that cooking eggs are hard, but I want them over easy!

There were two chefs who always worked in the kitchen. They were taste buds!

A religious chef is a man of the broth!

What did one fruit say to the meat during a fight in the kitchen while cooking?
– I guava bone to pick with you!

There were 3 moles living in a hole…
– One day, they wake up to the smell of pancakes cooking. The first mole sticks his head out of the hole and says “I smell pancakes!” The second mole sticks his head out of the hole and says “I smell syrup!” The last mole tries to stick his head out of the hole, but gets stuck behind the other two, so he said “All I smell is molasses.”

I met a dyslexic woman at a bar last night…
– I took her home and she ended up cooking my sock.

I love cooking with wine
– Sometimes I add it to the food

This joke has to be told to someone in person
This joke has three parts. A man is driving and his wife asks him to slow down, he slaps her an says I’m the one driving not you .
The second part is, the woman is cooking food for her and her husband and the husband asks her not to put so much salt in, she slaps him and says I’m the one cooking not you
The fourth part is…
person listening: what you said there were three parts.
*slaps*
I’m the one telling the joke not you

Why did the chef put his hand in the hot cooking pot?
– Because he was feeling a tad chili!

My friend’s father wanted to be in the army, but owing to dyslexia, he became a chef. But that didn’t dampen his attitude. He went all buns blazing in the kitchen!

My ex-gf claims I dumped her for being a feminist…
– Which is completely wrong! I dumped her for not doing my laundry, cleaning my dishes, or cooking my dinner.

Cooking meat dishes for little men is one of my specialties. Make gnome mistake!

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