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Viola jokes in 2022

What’s the difference between a viola and a coffin?
– The coffin has the dead person on the inside

Why is viola called “bratsche” in Germany?
– Because that’s the sound it makes when you sit down on it.

What is the difference between a viola and an onion?
– No one cries when you chop up a viola.

What do you call a viola player with half a brain?
– Gifted.

Q: Why isn’t a Viola like a lawn mower?
– A: Nobody minds if you borrow their Viola.

How was the canon invented?
– Two violists were trying to play the same passage together.

What is the longest viola joke?
– Harold in Italy

What is the similarity between a violist and a prostitute?
– Both are paid to fake climaxes.

Why are orchestral concert intermissions only 15 minutes long?
– So the violists won’t forget where the stage is.

Who’s the world’s most famous Cuban fiddle?
– Fiddle Castro.

What is the range of a Viola?
– As far as you can kick it.

How do you get a dozen violists to play in tune?
– Shoot all of them.

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