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Viola jokes in 2023

What is the range of a Viola?
– As far as you can kick it.

How do you get a dozen violists to play in tune?
– Shoot all of them.

How was the canon invented?
– Two violists were trying to play the same passage together.

What is the similarity between a violist and a prostitute?
– Both are paid to fake climaxes.

Why are violas larger than violins?
– They’re not; It’s an optical illusion. Viola players have small heads.

Q: How do you stop a bus load of Violists from going over a cliff?
– A: You don’t.

Q: Why are a Violist’s fingers like lightning?
– A: They rarely strike the same spot twice.

Why do violists never race their violin strings?
– They end up in a tie.

What is the difference between a viola and an onion?
– No one cries when you chop up a viola.

Q: Why isn’t a Viola like a lawn mower?
– A: Nobody minds if you borrow their Viola.

Why are orchestral concert intermissions only 15 minutes long?
– So the violists won’t forget where the stage is.

What’s the difference between a chainsaw and a viola?
– The viola is always sharp.

Q: What’s the definition of a quarter-tone?
– A: Two Violists playing the same note.

What do you do with a dead violist?
– Move him back a desk

Why can’t a violist play with a knife in his back?
– Because he can’t lean back in his chair.

What is the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
– You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

Why do violists make effective rapists?
– It’s hard to fight back when you’ve got your hands over your ears.

Q: How is a Viola different from a lawn mower?
– A: You can tune a lawn mower.

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