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Viola jokes in 2022

How was the canon invented?
– Two violists were trying to play the same passage together.

Why do violists never race their violin strings?
– They end up in a tie.

What is the difference between a viola and an onion?
– No one cries when you chop up a viola.

Q: Why isn’t a Viola like a lawn mower?
– A: Nobody minds if you borrow their Viola.

What is the similarity between a violist and a prostitute?
– Both are paid to fake climaxes.

Why are orchestral concert intermissions only 15 minutes long?
– So the violists won’t forget where the stage is.

What is the range of a Viola?
– As far as you can kick it.

How do you get a dozen violists to play in tune?
– Shoot all of them.

How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?
– Put it in a viola case.

Why shouldn’t you drive off a cliff in a mini with three violas in it?
– You could fit in at least one more.

How do you stop a violist from drowning?
– Take your foot off his head.

What’s the most effective male birth control method?
– Tell the girl he plays the viola.

Q: Why do violinists switch to Viola?
– A: So they can park in “handicapped” zones.

What’s the difference between a seamstress and a violist?
– The seamstress tucks up the frills.

How do you call a violist with two brain cells?
– Pregnant.

What do you call a bunch of violists in a hot tub?
– Vegetable soup.

What’s the last thing a violist does before walking on stage for a concert?
– Looks for his instrument.

Did you know why Stephen Hawking was a master of the violin?
– Because of his adept understanding of string theory.

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