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Viola jokes in 2022

Why do violists never race their violin strings?
– They end up in a tie.

What is the difference between a viola and an onion?
– No one cries when you chop up a viola.

Q: Why isn’t a Viola like a lawn mower?
– A: Nobody minds if you borrow their Viola.

How was the canon invented?
– Two violists were trying to play the same passage together.

What is the similarity between a violist and a prostitute?
– Both are paid to fake climaxes.

Why are orchestral concert intermissions only 15 minutes long?
– So the violists won’t forget where the stage is.

What is the range of a Viola?
– As far as you can kick it.

How do you get a dozen violists to play in tune?
– Shoot all of them.

Why is playing the viola like peeing in your pants?
– They both give you a nice warm feeling without making any sound.

What do you call a bunch of violists in a hot tub?
– Vegetable soup.

How does a violist’s brain cell die?
– Alone.

How can you make a violin sound more like a viola?
– Sit in the back row and just pretend to play.

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