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Glasses jokes 👓 in 2023
Glasses is used to refer to both drinking glasses and eye glasses. They are made with similar materials and can result in a similar finish; however, they are created using very different methods for their related tasks. Glasses jokes about drinking glasses as well as those about eye glasses are both funny and easy to fit in many conversations.
What do you call glasses for your balls?
– Spectacles.
Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Melbourne, Australia. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Dave said, ‘Man, I wish we had something to drink!’
Jim says, ‘Me too. Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.
You wanna try it?’
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.
The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects.
Nothing!
Then the phone rings. It’s Jim. Jim says, ‘Hey, how do you feel this morning?’
Dave says, ‘I feel great, how about you?’
Jim says, ‘I feel great, too. You don’t have a hangover?’
Dave says, ‘No that jet fuel is great stuff
no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often..’
‘Yeah, well there’s just one thing.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Have you farted yet?’
‘No.’
‘Well, DON’T – cause I’m in New Zealand ‘
My Grandma is 96 years old and still doesn’t need glasses
– She drinks straight from the bottle.
A kid loses his glasses and falls down a well…
– Too bad he couldn’t see that well.
Police stops a man and says, “You’re supposed to be wearing glasses”
Man: I have contacts.
Policeman: I don’t give a damn who you know.
My girlfriend says she can’t see too well without her glasses.
– So I asked her what numbers she could see.
Have you heard about the man who recently died working at the glasses factory?
– Apparently he fell right into the glass grinder, making a spectacle of himself.
I’m really annoyed, my wifes sister sat on my glasses and broke them!
– to be fair, it was probably my fault for leaving them on
Dave’s wife tied him to the bed posts last night.
Dave’s wife tied him to the bed posts last night. Unable to move, he could do nothing to stop her slowly stripping down to her bra and pants in front of him.
She knelt on the bed, between his thighs and said
“Ok big boy, what would you like me to take off next?”
Dave gulped: “My glasses, please.”
I asked Dad how he plans to spend the day. He said, “first, Mom and I will go pick up our prescription glasses”
– “And then we’ll see.”
Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses?
– No son, have you seen my dad glasses?
If a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day, it increases the chances of a stroke by 50%
– Let her finish the bottle and she’ll probably suck it as well.
Has COVID-19 caused you to wear a mask and glasses at the same time?
– You may be entitled to condensation.
Why do programmers wear glasses?
– Because they can’t C#.
A guy in my glass has a habit of breaking my glasses
His name is Dwayne, and I hate him. I have really bad eyesight, so without my glasses it’s basically impossible for me to see anything, and it was negatively affecting my grades.
Dwayne broke my first pair when I left them on my desk and he “accidentally” sat on them.
He broke my second pair when he slapped my in the face because he was “swatting a fly”.
He broke my third pair when he threw a ball at my face during recess.
He broke my fourth pair when he snapped them in half because he wanted to “test their durability”.
Eventually I complained, and Dwayne was moved to another school. I haven’t had problems with my eyesight since.
I can see clearly now, Dwayne is gone.
Two guys were walking their dogs….
– Two guys were walking their dogs-one had a German Shepherd and the other had a Chihuahua. The man with the Shepherd suggested going into a bar for a drink. The other man says, “They’re not going to let dogs into the bar.” And the first guy says, “No? Watch this.” So he puts on some dark glasses, acts like the German Shepherd is a seeing-eye dog, walks into the bar and orders a drink. And no one says anything. So the second guy takes out some dark glasses, slips them on, and walks his Chihuahua into the bar. The bartender says, “Sorry-we don’t allow dogs in here.” And the man says, “It’s okay-it’s my seeing-eye dog.” The bartender laughs and says, “This Chihuahua is your seeing-eye dog?” And the guy says, “They gave me a Chihuahua?”
I need glasses to see my family
– Specifically, two glasses of scotch.
What do you call a potato with glasses?
– A spec-tater.
Drinking Glasses
Glasses are used every day for people to drink from. This is an overall term that is used to reference both glass and plastic ones, with funny glasses jokes for each. Some of the funniest glasses jokes are about how by definition something made from plastic can not actually be a glass, yet they are called that every day. This slang term is well ingrained in society around the globe, as something that people drink from, with cheesy glasses jokes pointing out the difference.Many different sizes of glasses are available and there are traditional or intended uses for each of them. Wine jokes may show the difference of wine glasses and will certainly be targeting those who drink wine from a water glass, while other silly glasses jokes may be aimed at using a juice glass for a margarita or a margarita glass for milk.
Eye Glasses
Eye glasses are worn by people who have a problem with their vision that can be corrected with a prescription, as sunglasses to protect the eyes from the sun, or as a style choice with no prescription. Top glasses jokes about the thickness of glasses have been popular for several decades as they often compare the thickness of the lenses to the eyesight of the wearer. Some corny glasses jokes are used by people who are making fun of or teasing others who have glasses, though this is usually a phase that is gone through by children and most adults do not use them as such. One liner glasses jokes are very popular in pointing out that people who need glasses often can not find them once they have been removed, because they need their glasses to see well enough to find them. This top glasses joke has been around for many years, likely decades, and will continue far into the future.Even with new technology and developments there is not one set solution to avoid glasses, though contacts offer a choice for some, and surgery is successful for others, these are not solutions that are suitable for every situation. The best glasses jokes will continue until they are no longer needed by society, and likely beyond as they are seen in pictures of the past and throughout history.
Cute glasses jokes are often intended to help ease the anxiety or worry of children who are getting their first pair. They may worry about them becoming uncomfortable, broken, or of being teased by others for needing them. By using funny glasses jokes for kids, these worries can be eased.
Glasses Jokes in School
Schools are not only places where people learn about the core subjects and skills for life, but also social skills and how other people are different. Short glasses jokes are common in school and they can be used for different purposes. Some are to help kids learn about each other and what glasses are for, or even how they work. Others are used by kids to tease the kids that have glasses, though these usually are a passing phase.Teaching about safety glasses and eye protection is one way in which teachers and schools can ensure that safety is observed during some activities. Safety glasses jokes are always a hit in the science rooms and woodshop. Eye wash stations are also present in most places that safety glasses are required, and hilarious glasses jokes about the safety glasses, the eye wash station, and the accessibility of dangerous things within the school are all common in these classes. Schools can use these all as a way to teach students about the world around them and ensure they are prepared for life after school.
Most Popular Categories
🡫 See all categories 🡫
Drinking Glasses
Glasses are used every day for people to drink from. This is an overall term that is used to reference both glass and plastic ones, with funny glasses jokes for each. Some of the funniest glasses jokes are about how by definition something made from plastic can not actually be a glass, yet they are called that every day. This slang term is well ingrained in society around the globe, as something that people drink from, with cheesy glasses jokes pointing out the difference.Many different sizes of glasses are available and there are traditional or intended uses for each of them. Wine jokes may show the difference of wine glasses and will certainly be targeting those who drink wine from a water glass, while other silly glasses jokes may be aimed at using a juice glass for a margarita or a margarita glass for milk.
Eye Glasses
Eye glasses are worn by people who have a problem with their vision that can be corrected with a prescription, as sunglasses to protect the eyes from the sun, or as a style choice with no prescription. Top glasses jokes about the thickness of glasses have been popular for several decades as they often compare the thickness of the lenses to the eyesight of the wearer. Some corny glasses jokes are used by people who are making fun of or teasing others who have glasses, though this is usually a phase that is gone through by children and most adults do not use them as such. One liner glasses jokes are very popular in pointing out that people who need glasses often can not find them once they have been removed, because they need their glasses to see well enough to find them. This top glasses joke has been around for many years, likely decades, and will continue far into the future.Even with new technology and developments there is not one set solution to avoid glasses, though contacts offer a choice for some, and surgery is successful for others, these are not solutions that are suitable for every situation. The best glasses jokes will continue until they are no longer needed by society, and likely beyond as they are seen in pictures of the past and throughout history.
Cute glasses jokes are often intended to help ease the anxiety or worry of children who are getting their first pair. They may worry about them becoming uncomfortable, broken, or of being teased by others for needing them. By using funny glasses jokes for kids, these worries can be eased.
Glasses Jokes in School
Schools are not only places where people learn about the core subjects and skills for life, but also social skills and how other people are different. Short glasses jokes are common in school and they can be used for different purposes. Some are to help kids learn about each other and what glasses are for, or even how they work. Others are used by kids to tease the kids that have glasses, though these usually are a passing phase.Teaching about safety glasses and eye protection is one way in which teachers and schools can ensure that safety is observed during some activities. Safety glasses jokes are always a hit in the science rooms and woodshop. Eye wash stations are also present in most places that safety glasses are required, and hilarious glasses jokes about the safety glasses, the eye wash station, and the accessibility of dangerous things within the school are all common in these classes. Schools can use these all as a way to teach students about the world around them and ensure they are prepared for life after school.