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Glasses jokes 👓 in 2022

The only thing I have planned for today is to get my new glasses.
– Then I’ll see what happens.

I think I might need new glasses
I saw a cute girl at the mall far away from me so I went to her to ask for her number.

When I got close, he was uglier than I expected.

A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl……
– A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, ‘In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don’t need to drink with the same one twice.’

The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, ‘In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don’t need to drink with the same one twice either.’

The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says:

‘In America we have so many illegal aliens that we don’t have to drink with the same ones twice.’

The other day I told a girl, “You look great without glasses.”
Girl: “I don’t wear glasses.”
Me, while polishing my lenses: “No, but I do.”

Girl: What are your plans for today?
Boy: Me and a friend of mine are going to buy some glasses.

Girl: And after that?

Boy: And after that we’ll see.

I just discovered my glasses have smudges on them?
– I’ve been giving people dirty looks all day.

A man meets up with a friend while walking their dogs in the park…. (LONG)

A man meets up with a friend while walking their dogs in the park. They haven’t seen each other in a while so they decide to go to lunch at the new French restaurant in town.

Just before entering the restaurant, the 1st man puts on his very dark sunglasses and asks the maître d’ for a table.

“Ah, monsieur, we cannot possibly seat you with that dog!” says the maître d’ , “He will have to wait outside.”

The 1st man quickly points to his glasses, gestures to his dog and replies, “Ah, this German Shepard is my seeing eye dog. I’m sure you understand.”

“But of course! Right this way!” apologized the maître d’ .

The second man gets the hint and puts *his* sunglasses on and when the maître d’ returns, he asks to be seated with his friend. The maître d’ again says, “Ah, monsieur, we cannot possibly seat you with that dog! He will have to wait outside.”

Confidently pointing to his dog and his glasses, the second man states, “But this dog is my seeing eye dog!”

The maître d’ with a suspicious look on his face peers down at the dog and asks, “A chihuahua for a seeing eye dog?”

Without missing a beat, the second man throws his hands up and cries, “They gave me a chihuahua?!!!!”

Why do a lot of math nerds wear glasses?
– It helps with division.

I told my friend he looked better without glasses
– He replied I don’t see why.

Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
– You may be entitled to condensation.

A man is travelling through the desert
– A man is travelling through the desert when he runs out of water. He is worried since the next town is not for 10 miles, so he is beginning to worry. Just then, however, he sees a man on a camel in the distance. When he gets nearer to the man, he sees that he is carrying bags full of neckties.
r>”Please, sir, can you spare any water?” the traveler pleads desperately.

“Sorry, sir,” says the man on the camel, “I’m only selling ties.”

The disappointed traveller continues his journey, hoping he has enough energy to reach the town. About half an hour later, though, he sees another man on a camel, who also happens to be carrying ties.

“Please, sir, I’m so thirsty,” he says, “just a sip of water?”

“Sorry, son, I’m only selling ties.”

The traveller continues for another 15 minutes until he sees a THIRD man on a camel, who is ALSO carrying ties.

“Please, sir, I need water now!” the traveller says.

“Sorry sir, I’ve only got ties. Seeing as you seem to be in trouble, though, I’ll sell you one for half price.”

“No,” says the traveller, “I haven’t got any money anyway.”

The traveller continues and is about to give up when he comes across a beautiful building. When he gets closer, he sees that there are people inside having a good old time, laughing and eating. It’s a restaurant! And in the centre, there is a huge fountain with all the water he could drink. People are scooping water out of it with their glasses!

The traveller enters the restaurant, finally feeling safe, when the host walks up to him and says “sorry, sir, you can’t come in without a tie.”

“Honey, I don’t like how you look with these new glasses.”
“But I don’t wear glasses..”
“I know, but I do.”

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