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Uncle Jokes in 2024

I’ll never forget the last words my uncle said to me before he passed…
– “Stop shaking the ladder, you little shit!”

My uncle drank a whole bottle of wood varnish
– He had a horrible death but a lovely finish

Why do they have fences around cemeteries?
– Because everyone is dying to get in.

In memory of my Uncle David RIP. He would always tell this joke

My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication
– It’s for Hispanic attacks

I used to be an Uncle like you…
…Until I took an arrow to the niece.

My uncle picked me up from school during recess today!
– My mom never told me about him, but it’s nice to finally meet him!

Did you hear about what happened your sweaty uncle?
– He has a wife now, and her name is Aunty Perspirant

My uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he kept fighting them off and drowned. We had him cremated…
– he burned for three days.

Me:I want to become a millionare like my uncle
My friend:Your uncle is a millionare?
Me:No he wants to become one to

I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between “I helped my uncle Jack off a horse” and “i helped my uncle jack off a horse”.
– Well that’s embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle’s name is Jack.

My uncle is a bus driver that circles Big Ben in London …
– he works around the clock.

My uncle is an idiot. He saw a commercial that said, “9 out of 10 accidents happen within a mile of your home.”
– So he up and moved

My dad had an ischemic stroke, and my uncle had a hemorrhagic stroke
– You know what they say: different strokes for different folks!

You know that show naked and afraid? It remind me of a game I played with my uncle.
– It’s a joke! I know it’s dark. Sorry.

What’s the similarity between skid marks and my uncle?
– you can find both in my boxers

At my cousin’s birthday party, I held up a photo of my uncle and said “It’s amazing how you look just like your father did at 40!”
– That’s the last quinceañera I get invited to.

All three of my uncles used to grow weed together
– It was a joint effort.

My uncle was in a terrible accident, and lost the entire left side of his body.
– He’s all right, now.

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