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Uncle Jokes in 2024

I’ll never forget the last words my uncle said to me before he passed…
– “Stop shaking the ladder, you little shit!”

Why do they have fences around cemeteries?
– Because everyone is dying to get in.

In memory of my Uncle David RIP. He would always tell this joke

My uncle drank a whole bottle of wood varnish
– He had a horrible death but a lovely finish

My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication
– It’s for Hispanic attacks

I used to be an Uncle like you…
…Until I took an arrow to the niece.

Me:I want to become a millionare like my uncle
My friend:Your uncle is a millionare?
Me:No he wants to become one to

My uncle picked me up from school during recess today!
– My mom never told me about him, but it’s nice to finally meet him!

Did you hear about what happened your sweaty uncle?
– He has a wife now, and her name is Aunty Perspirant

My uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he kept fighting them off and drowned. We had him cremated…
– he burned for three days.

My uncle is a bus driver that circles Big Ben in London …
– he works around the clock.

My uncle is an idiot. He saw a commercial that said, “9 out of 10 accidents happen within a mile of your home.”
– So he up and moved

I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between “I helped my uncle Jack off a horse” and “i helped my uncle jack off a horse”.
– Well that’s embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle’s name is Jack.

My uncle is like a good love story
– Very touching

Political opinions are like dicks….
– Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.

I bought a cheese grater for my blind uncle…
…he said it was the most violent thing he ever read.

My uncle always hated eating mushrooms…
…but now that he’s dead, they’re beginning to grow on him.

Been in Jail for 5 minutes and I’ve already been raped twice…
– I really need to stop playing monopoly with my uncle.

About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard.
– Boy after that he went down hill fast.

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