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Lawyer jokes ⚖️✒️ in 2022

How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
– They both look good hanging from a tree.

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? -A good start!

How does an attorney sleep? -First he lies on one side, and then on the other.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
– A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? -If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer?
-You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you’d been there eight hours.

what do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?
– Not enough sand.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a liar? -The pronunciation.

What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? -About three pounds, including the urn.

What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?
— Taller.

What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? -There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

What’s the problem with lawyer jokes?
-Lawyer’s don’t think they’re funny, and no one else thinks they’re jokes

Whats the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
– You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

Well, how cold was it? – It was so cold, that I saw a lawyer with both hands in his own pockets.

What do you get if you put 100 lawyers in your basement?
-A whine cellar.

what’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
– A Doberman Pinscher.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? -The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles..

What is the difference between a brilliant lawyer and a stupid lawyer? -Brilliance has its limits

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