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Lawyer jokes ⚖️✒️ in 2024

What’s the difference between lawyers and buzzards?

-Lawyers have removable wing tips.

What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? -His partners.

Why did the post office recall the new lawyer stamps? -Because people could not tell which side to spit on.

what is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
– A vampire only suck blood at night.

Why don’t lawyers go to the beach? -Cats keep trying to bury them.

How do you get a group of personal injury lawyers to smile for a picture? -Just say “Fees!”

what is the difference between a a lawyer and a jellyfish?
– One is a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of a sea life.

If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don’t you swerve to hit him? -It might be your bicycle.

Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
-Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.

Why did God invent lawyers? -So that the real estate agents would have someone to look down on.

What’s brown and looks really good on a lawyer? -A Doberman..

Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? -It’s called, Sosumi.

what do you call 400 lawyers at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean?
– A great place to start.

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? -A good start!

How does an attorney sleep? -First he lies on one side, and then on the other.

How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
– They both look good hanging from a tree.

Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? -If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer?
-You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you’d been there eight hours.

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