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Lawyer jokes ⚖️✒️ in 2023

What’s the difference between lawyers and buzzards?

-Lawyers have removable wing tips.

Why did God invent lawyers? -So that the real estate agents would have someone to look down on.

If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don’t you swerve to hit him? -It might be your bicycle.

Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
-Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.

what do you call 400 lawyers at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean?
– A great place to start.

What’s brown and looks really good on a lawyer? -A Doberman..

Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? -It’s called, Sosumi.

How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
– They both look good hanging from a tree.

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? -A good start!

How does an attorney sleep? -First he lies on one side, and then on the other.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
– A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? -If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer?
-You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you’d been there eight hours.

what do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?
– Not enough sand.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a liar? -The pronunciation.

What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? -About three pounds, including the urn.

What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?
— Taller.

What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? -There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

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