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Candy jokes 🍭🍬🍫 in 2022

My wife and I were arguing about who has better self control. “Clearly me,” she says, “For example. I put a candy bar on my desk on Monday and it hasn’t moved an inch”
– “That’s nothing!” I retorted. “All six times I ate it I put a new candy bar on your desk exactly where you left it.”

When I was a kid I could go to the store with only $5 and come home with bread, milk, hotdogs and my favorite candy. You can’t do that these days…
– Too many damned security cameras

What do you call the Swiss president’s airplane?
– Tobler One.

What kind of candy won’t a ghost touch?
– Life Savers.

I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.

I miss Halloween
– I can no longer take free candy from creepy strangers.

I tried to steal candy from a baby.
– He slapped my hand away. Turns out he wasn’t born yesterday.

What’s a snowman’s favorite candy?
– Sno-Caps.

What kind of bear has no teeth?
– A gummy bear!

What do a pistol and candy have in common?
– When you pull them out of your backpack suddenly everyone at school wants to be your friend

I was once in love with this girl named Candy, but I couldn’t date her
– She was a total AirHead.

What candies do you find at school?
– Smarties, Nerds, and Dum-Dums!

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