Anti jokes in 2022

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
– Being robbed.

How does the white-tail deer jump higher than the average house?
– This is due to their powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house can’t jump.

How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish?
– Neither one can whistle.

What’s blue and smells like red paint?
– Blue paint.

When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
– But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light.

Knock, knock.
– I wonder who is at the door. I hope they know a good joke since levity is important in this cruel life. You have to smile sometimes.

Where was the Constitution signed?
– At the bottom.

What’s the one thing in life you can actually always count on?
– A calculator.

If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.

Did you hear about the circus fire?
– It was in tents.

Take my wife now, please!
– We have run out of gas and she’s late for work.

What do an elephant and a grape have in common?
– One of them is purple.

What did one stranger say to the other?
– Nothing. They didn’t know each other.

What do sprinters eat before a race?
– Nothing, they fast.

What’s so great about living in Switzerland?
– Nothing, except that the flag is a plus.

What did the mosquito say to the other mosquito?
– “This vein’s mine.”

How do you know it’s cold outside?
– You go outside and it’s cold.

I accused my husband of being too immature.
– Then he told me to get out of his fort.