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Anti jokes in 2024

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
– Being robbed.

What do an elephant and a grape have in common?
– One of them is purple.

What do sprinters eat before a race?
– Nothing, they fast.

Why was six afraid of seven?
– It wasn’t. Numbers aren’t sentient and are incapable of feeling fear.

How does the white-tail deer jump higher than the average house?
– This is due to their powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house can’t jump.

Someone stole my mood ring.
– I don’t know how I feel about that.

A patient told the surgeon he couldn’t feel his legs.
– The surgeon replied, “I know. I amputated your arms.”

My girlfriend is like an iPhone 7.
– She doesn’t have a headphone jack.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
– Chickens do not have the cognitive ability to reason. Therefore, it was random.

How do you confuse someone?
– Paint yourself green and throw forks at them.

What’s brown and sticky?
– A stick.

Why did the dinosaur say “hello” to the little girl?
– He was being polite.

You know what’s really odd?
– Numbers that aren’t divisible by two.

Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee.
– I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.

I can still remember my Grandpa’s last words before he kicked the bucket.
– He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

How many apples grow on a tree?
– All of them.

When did the astronaut who floated away from the spaceship come back?
– Never. He floats forever.

What are green, blue, red, yellow, and pink?
– Colors.

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