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Dieting jokes 🥗 in 2023

When should you go on a cheese diet?
– If you need to cheddar a few pounds.

What does a vampire drink while on a diet?
– Blood Light®.

What do they call a Double Quarter Pounder with cheese, large fries, and a Diet Coke in France?
– “The American Weight Loss Plan.”

The wife told me to go out and get some of those pills that will help me get an erection.
– You should have seen her face when I came back and gave her some diet pills.

My wife told me to go to the doctor to get some of those pills that help get an erection
– Mfw I brought her a box of diet pills.

When you spend 3 hours in line at Jenny Craig to see a weight loss consultant . . .
– You over wait.

What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?
– A desserter.

Not to brag, but I finished this 14 day diet…
– in 3 hours and 38 minutes.

Don’t worry about straying from your diet today.
– It’s Tom Brady’s cheat day, too.

DJ Khaled invented a weight loss app
– Everytime you lose a pound, his voice comes on and says “Another one”

How do most people curb their appetite?
– At the drive thru window.

Why did the cannibal only eat coma patients?
– The doctor said he needed more vegetables in his diet.

Due to health concerns, my doctor recommend I go on a strict vegetarian diet, and practice portion control.
– I am happy to announce that I am down to one vegetarian a day, as they are surprisingly filling.

Did you hear about this year’s newest fad diet coming out of New York and New Jersey?
– The swim-fast diet.

I had to quit my vegetarian diet
– Turns out they’re a lot harder to catch than cows.

Smoking promotes weight loss

Doctor, I think I’m Bipolar!
– (Why’s That?) Because I hate to get fat but I love to eat

The very spiritual Gandhi walked everywhere, leaving him with impressive calluses. And he ate very little, which made him rather frail. His odd diet also plagued him with bad breath. I guess you could say…..
– That he was a super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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