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Dieting jokes 🥗 in 2024

D.I.E.T. = Did I Eat That?
D.I.E.T. = Do I Eat Today?
D.I.E.T. = Don’t Indulge Every Time

Why did the blonde snort splenda?
– She thought it was diet coke.

I recently tried the fruitarian diet, where you can only eat things that fall from trees
– I only lasted a day. All I had was 3 apples and an owl.

My friends recommended the British Casino weight loss method
– It really works. I’ve already lost fifty pounds.

Why do vegetarians give good head?
– Because they are used to eating nuts!

Hey there’s this new diet that can help lose pounds fast!
– Its called the Brexit

I think about dieting sometimes…
– It takes a lot of weight off my mind.

My wife told me to go and get some pills that help with an erection…
– You should’ve seen her face when I tossed her some diet pills.

Why was the blonde snorting Sweet and Low?
– She thought it was diet coke.

I designed a weight loss programme for the homeless to help them bounce back…
…It’s called Tramp-o-lean

Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef?
– He’ll dessert you.

Why was the dieting Roman so thrilled?
– His toga size went from L to XL.

What does a group of Italians say when they start a diet?
– Ciao belli

Homeopathy weight loss tip:
– Drink diluted water.

Did you hear about the hungry clock?
– He went back four seconds.

I’m going to go on a Brexit diet
– The pounds will drop fast

Why did Ben Shapiro go on a diet?
– To destroy the lbs.

Why can’t a lesbian diet and wear make up at the same time?
– Because……….It is hard to eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on her face.

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