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Dieting jokes 🥗 in 2022

What do vegan zombies eat?
– GgggggRrrAaaaIiiiNNnnnSSsss!

The David Cameron diet:
– You’ll never lose your pounds quicker.

My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet…
– It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean!

If your dog is too fat, then your not getting enough exercise.

As per the doctor’s recommendation, I have decided to rid my diet of trans fat.
– Goodbye Tumblr!

To the guy who stole my weight loss pills..
– You’ll have nothing to gain.

D.I.E.T. = Did I Eat That?
D.I.E.T. = Do I Eat Today?
D.I.E.T. = Don’t Indulge Every Time

Why did the blonde snort splenda?
– She thought it was diet coke.

I recently tried the fruitarian diet, where you can only eat things that fall from trees
– I only lasted a day. All I had was 3 apples and an owl.

My friends recommended the British Casino weight loss method
– It really works. I’ve already lost fifty pounds.

Why do vegetarians give good head?
– Because they are used to eating nuts!

Hey there’s this new diet that can help lose pounds fast!
– Its called the Brexit

I think about dieting sometimes…
– It takes a lot of weight off my mind.

My wife told me to go and get some pills that help with an erection…
– You should’ve seen her face when I tossed her some diet pills.

Why was the blonde snorting Sweet and Low?
– She thought it was diet coke.

I designed a weight loss programme for the homeless to help them bounce back…
…It’s called Tramp-o-lean

Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef?
– He’ll dessert you.

Why was the dieting Roman so thrilled?
– His toga size went from L to XL.

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