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Dieting jokes 🥗 in 2024

Did you hear about the seafood diet?
– You see food and you eat it.

My former roommate was overweight so he asked me for a diet idea. I told him to stop eating after 8 PM.
– He had dinner at 7 PM that day, and died of starvation a few days later.

I’m trying to cut butter out of my diet…
…by a large margarine.

Local mom finds cure to weight loss, Scientist are dumbfounded…
– at how gullible people on the internet are.

What do you get when you put the right amount of meat and vegetables on a scale?
– A balanced meal.

A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise
– The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.

Dieting hasnt worked out for me, so Im gambling in the UK
– Great way to lose a few pounds.

Today is the anniversary of the Diet of Worms
– Another weight loss fad

Have you seen the Spy thriller about fat people?
– It’s called “Tomorrow Never Diets”

Why are diet pills so effective in the UK?
– If you buy enough, you are guaranteed to lose 30 pounds fast.

I tried to set up a weight loss group…
…but apparently calling it “The Fat Losers Club” isn’t acceptable.

Your fat and you need to go on a diet.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it because you’ll eat that too.

Why did the bird refuse Martin Luther’s food?
– It was on a strict diet of worms.

My driver’s side window won’t go down.
– So I guess I’m on a diet now.

Have you tried the communist weight loss program?
– Ive lost tons of weight on this five-year plan!

Why should you go to the paint store if your on a diet?
– You can get thinner there.

My girlfriend asked me to ‘eat the booty like groceries’
– But I’m on a glute-free diet

I put my Dobermans on a vegan diet and I’m worried about their nutrition.
– Between the five of them, they’re getting through a vegan a week – am I overfeeding them?

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