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Bean jokes in 2023

What do you call a pea that works in the circus?
– A tra-peas artist.

What is the deal with Egyptian pharaohs and people that eat beans?
– I hear they have a Tutankhamon

What do you call a Mexican baptism?
– Bean dip

Coffee beans must have low self-esteem because they’re always getting roasted!

I decided to eat my baked beans through my nose.
– In Heinz sight, it was a terrible decision.

What’s the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?
– Nobody pays to have a garbanzo bean on their face.

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
– Trump has never paid to see a garbanzo bean on a bed the Obamas slept in.

What did the bean say to another bean?
– How have you bean?

Why couldn’t the green bean answer the door?
– It was in the can.

What are zombies’ favorite beans?
– Human beans.

The Tale of Greenbeard the Pirate
Greenbeard got his name due his poor table manners and lack of proper beard hygiene, but let’s not get into that just now – Greenbeard loved chocolate. He loved chocolate more than jewels. He loved chocolate more than diamonds. He even loved chocolate more than gold – and there isn’t anything most pirates love more than gold.

But the problem came with the great chocolate shortage of 1721. It seems all the chocolate in the world was on a boat that was stuck sideways in the Thames river, and none of it was available down in the pirate coves of Nassau. Greenbeard was desperate, he did not know how he would survive without chocolate.

“Arr, matey, have ye heard of carob?” says his first mate. “Carob be a popular chocolate substitute. It be growed right here in these islands, grows on trees it does, they harvest these beans and grind them up into a fair chocolate substitute, they do.”

“Shiver me timbers!” exclaimed Greenbeard. “Let’s go steal some of it!”

And that’s how Greenbeard and his first mate became the Pirates of the Carob Bean.

I just watched “the Martian” – What an unrealistic movie…
…Sean Bean survives.

What is one bean plus four beans?
– FAVA BEANS!!!!!

What kind of shows do green beans do?
– Pod casts.

What do you call Muhammad Ali after he eats beans?
– Gaseous Clay

Why do baked beans want to move to Queensland (Australia)
Because they all want to live in Cairns!

(a city in Queensland Australia, for non aussies)

Sean Bean is the Narrator for Civilization VI
– So I guess he dies after the Bronze Age or …?

I used to can beans for a living,
– In Heinz sight it wasn’t a bad job.

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