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Bean jokes in 2022

What kind of shows do green beans do?
– Pod casts.

What do you call Muhammad Ali after he eats beans?
– Gaseous Clay

Why do baked beans want to move to Queensland (Australia)
Because they all want to live in Cairns!

(a city in Queensland Australia, for non aussies)

Sean Bean is the Narrator for Civilization VI
– So I guess he dies after the Bronze Age or …?

I used to can beans for a living,
– In Heinz sight it wasn’t a bad job.

What do you call a bean that’s an angel?
– A celestial bean.

Fun fact! Irish soups only use 239 beans
– If they used one more, it would be two-fahrty…

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? [NSFW]
– You don’t pay $200 to have a garbanzo on your face

A mother takes her crying baby to the hospital…..
The doctor gets out his little exam light and ends up pulling a Lima bean out of the kids left ear, a baby carrot out of one nostril, a Skittle and two peas out of the other nostril and a hunk of pear out of the kids’ right ear.

The mom cringes as she watches all of this, then asks the doctor what’s wrong with the kid.

The doctor shrugs a bit and says, “I’m not sure yet, but for one thing, he certainly isn’t eating right.”

What’s the difference between a chick pea and a mung bean?
– I’ve never paid to have a mung bean on my face

Why can’t you trust a burrito?
– In case it spills the beans.

What appliance stressed out the green beans?
– The pressure cooker.

What is a mortgage officer’s favorite Mexican food?
– Refied beans

Why does Irish bean soup have exactly 239 beans in it?
– (Irish accent) Because one more and it would be too farty.

What’s the difference between a Lima Bean and a Chick Pea?
– Donald Trump has never had a Lima Bean on his chest.

What kind of beans can’t grow in a garden?
– Jelly beans.

Irish bean soup
(Read in an Irish accent for effect)

An Irish mam and her wee lad were sitting in the kitchen as she taught him to make her famous Irish bean soup.

“Now son,” she explained, “what really makes a bean soup is how many beans you use. More is better, but you must remember: never, NEVER put more than two-hundred-and-thirty-noin beans in the soup.”

The son is confused, “But Mam, why so specific? Why only two hundred and thirty noin?”

“Because,” she explains, “if ye add one more, it’ll be two-farty!”

A teenage girl falls pregnant…
Her mother is shocked and asks who the father of the baby is.

“Ma, if you ate a bowl of beans. Would you know which one made you fart?”

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