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Psychology jokes 🧠 in 2023

My psychiatrist said….
– “Tell me, how long have you been having these hallucinations about seeing a psychiatrist?”

When I was younger my parents sent me to a child psychologist
– That kid didn’t help at all.

My psychologist says I have trouble identifying my emotions
– Not quite sure how I feel about it

What did the bouncer say to the psychology major and his friends, Ego and Superego?
– I’m sorry I can’t let you enter without Id.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
– Just one, but it takes nine visits.

Why was the moralist not allowed inside the bar?
– He didn’t have a valid Id.

The psychologist and psychiatrist society says talking to plants and pots during the pandemic is perfectly normal…
– Seek help, if they start talking back…

What did the hypnotherapist say to the client that always whined about his age?
– If you want, we can go back 10 years.

I knew I was destined to be a psychologist not a magician…
– …when I pulled a habit out of a rat.

What did the behaviorist ask the other behaviorist when he bumped into him on the street?
– How am I performing today?

What did the depressed statistician say when the psychologist asked if someone had been mean to him?
– I don’t remember, but probably.

Why don’t you ever overhear a psychology major in the bathroom?
– Their ‘p’ is always silent.

Narcissist to best mate: ‘I just love my new girlfriend. We like all the same things. She loves me, and I love me!

My psychologist told me:
– “Write letters to the people you hate and later on you burn them.”

– I have done so, but now I don’t know what to do with the letters…

How did the husband try reverse psychology on his wife who thought she was always right?
– He left her.

My psychologist says I have an obsession with vengeance
– We’ll see about that

As a child, I wanted to be a psychologist.
– But my parents told me, “We’re a-Freud you’re too Jung for that.”

Sandy: Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a dog.
– Doctor: Lie down on the couch and I’ll examine you.
– Sandy: I can’t, I’m not allowed on the furniture.

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