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Psychology jokes 🧠 in 2023

Why was the moralist not allowed inside the bar?
– He didn’t have a valid Id.

My psychiatrist said….
– “Tell me, how long have you been having these hallucinations about seeing a psychiatrist?”

When I was younger my parents sent me to a child psychologist
– That kid didn’t help at all.

My psychologist says I have trouble identifying my emotions
– Not quite sure how I feel about it

What did the bouncer say to the psychology major and his friends, Ego and Superego?
– I’m sorry I can’t let you enter without Id.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
– Just one, but it takes nine visits.

A client comes for his first therapy session. He has a small cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear.
– “Can you help me figure out what’s wrong with me?”
– he asks the therapist. The therapist replies, “You’re not eating properly.”

“Doctor,” said the receptionist over the phone, “there’s a patient here who thinks he’s invisible.”

– “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”

How many people with narcissism does it take to change to change a tire?
– You only need one. He’ll hold the tire and the world will revolve around him.

Why do horse psychology majors always end up performing better than the other animals?
– Their studying environment is a little more stable than the others’.

What do you get when you cross a banana peel with a psychologist ?
– A freudian slip.

What was Waldo going to start psychotherapy?
– He wanted to find himself.

Child walks past the parents bedroom,
– looks inside and mumbles: And you want to send me to a psychologist for thumb sucking.

Why did the psychologist not meet the client who thought he was invisible?
– He didn’t have the time to see him.

Why didn’t the psychology grad learn anything in college?
– He minored in reverse psychology.

Did you hear about that psychologist’s awesome speech last night?
– It was amazing! The crowd was really eating it up. Everyone was going absolutely sane.

“After 12 years of therapy, my psychotherapist said something that brought tears to my eyes.”
– “What did he say?” “No hablo inglés.”

Why did the homeless psychology student reject her fiance’s marriage proposal?
– She was still stuck on the second level of Maslow’s hierarchy.

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