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Psychology jokes 🧠 in 2022

Why was the moralist not allowed inside the bar?
– He didn’t have a valid Id.

My psychiatrist said….
– “Tell me, how long have you been having these hallucinations about seeing a psychiatrist?”

When I was younger my parents sent me to a child psychologist
– That kid didn’t help at all.

My psychologist says I have trouble identifying my emotions
– Not quite sure how I feel about it

What did the bouncer say to the psychology major and his friends, Ego and Superego?
– I’m sorry I can’t let you enter without Id.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
– Just one, but it takes nine visits.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.

A good psychologist once advised me to shut out all the negative people that remind me of my dark past and move on
– It’s been more than a month since I’ve gone to him and I am already starting to feel better

What did the psychologist say to the patient that thought he was a deck of cards?
– Let’s focus on you, we’ll deal with the problem later.

My psychologist diagnosed me with ADD
– At least I think that’s what she was saying.

Little Johnny has just returned from a psychological examination.
– “Well, Johnny,” says his mother, “what did the psychologist say?”
– “He said I had an Oedipus Complex,” says Johnny.
– “Just you forget that Oedipus rubbish!” says his mother. “The main thing is you love your mummy.”

What did the psychologist name his timid cat?
– Freudy cat.

A guy being examined by a psychologist is shown an inkblot card. “What does this look like?” asks the examiner
– The guy studies it for a moment. “Oh, that’s an easy one! It’s Rorschach series III, sequence 6, card 2.”

How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
– I don’t know, but times up, we can discuss it at your next session.

Why did the psychology major drop out of the behaviorism class?
– The subject just wasn’t stimulating enough for him.

I thought reverse psychology was when you made your therapist cry.

What do you get when you cross a banana peel with a psychologist ?
– A freudian slip.

What did the ghost tell the psychologist at his first therapy session?
– I used to know who I was, now I just feel like I’m drifting through life.

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