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Pharmacy jokes ๐Ÿ’Š in 2021

I called the pharmacist and asked him if acetylsalicylic acid was the best remedy for a headache.

– He said, โ€œYou mean aspirin?โ€

– I said, โ€œYeah, thatโ€™s it. I can never remember that word.โ€

The pharmacist said they only have the generic version of my laxative medication.
– I said “I guess I’ll have to make doo with that”.

I need an antibiotic, because my love for you burns stronger than my urinary tract infection.

Guy runs into a pharmacy. He dashes to the counter and exclaims, “Please, help! I’ve got a splinter in my finger and I don’t know what to do!”
– The pharmacist grabs a bottle of Ichthammol Ointment and says to the man, “Here my good sir…
– Try this black salve.” To which the man replies, “This is no time for heavy metal music!”

I went to buy some condoms today, and I said to the pharmacist, ‘Excuse me, I need some condoms.’
– He said, ‘Just a minute.’

– And I said, ‘Yep, that’s my brand.’

Amazon just launched their new pharmacy service!
– They were going to call it Jeff’s Benzos, but that name got axed pretty quickly.

Pharmacist: A helper on the farm.

Girl, you must be norepinephrine because you make my heart race.

Hey, I heard you’re the pharmacist. Here is my new methadone prescription.
– See you every day for the rest of our lives.

A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man’s face.
– “What did you do that for?” the man asks.
– “Well, you don’t have the hiccups anymore, do you?”
– The man says, “No, but my wife out in the car still does!”

Well, arenโ€™t you a sight for psoriasis!

Old lady walks into a pharmacy while shaking vigorously and breathing heavily.
– Old lady: Excuse me?

– Pharmacist: yes? How can i help you?

– Old lady: Do you have a XXL Super Large vibrator with alkaline batteries?

– Pharmacist: yes, we do.

– Old lady: For gods sake, tell me how to turn it of!

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