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Grammar Jokes ✏️ in 2024

Never date an apostrophe
-They’re too possessive.

Why are writers always cold?
-They’re surrounded by drafts.

If you don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”
-your an idiot.

The English teacher wished the class before the poetry test.
– She said, “Metaphors be with you!”

Whoever put the “b” in SUBTLE
-deserves a pat on the back.

Never leave alphabet soup on the stove and then go out.
-It could spell disaster.

When I was young there was only 25 letters in the Alphabet?
-Nobody knew why.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
-To
To who?
It’s ‘to whom’.

What did the period say to the sentence?
-We better stop now!

So many people are bothered about correct grammar
-But I couldn’t care fewer

Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?
– Pencils confused him — 2B or not 2B?

An English teacher was lecturing to a large class. She said, ‘In many languages, a double negative indicates a positive. In some languages, a double negative is still a negative. However, there are no languages in which a double positive indicates a negative.
-A voice from the back of the room chimes in, ‘Yeah, right!

Last night my classroom was broken into and all of the dictionaries were stolen.
– I’m lost for words.

Which word is shorter when you add two letters to it?
-Short.

What happened when the verb asked the noun to conjugate?
-The noun declined.

Declare grammar puns!
-Give me all your grammar puns, it’s imperative!

A dangling modifier walks into a bar.
-After finishing a drink, the bartender asks it to leave.

I’m thinking of writing a joke about mispronounced grammar.
-I’ll gerund to it later.

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