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Tomato jokes 🍅 in 2023

Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
– The lettuce was ahead and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

Why did the mayonnaise win the running race?
– Because the tomato sauce couldn’t Ketchup.

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I like to put coriander on my blended tomatoes.
– It’s soup herb.

Is there anything red and invisible?
– No tomatoes.

What’s the difference between knowledge and wisdom?
– Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

A woman’s garden is growing beautifully but the tomatoes won’t ripen. She goes to her neighbor and says, ”Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?”
Her neighbor replies, ”Well, it may sound absurd but here’s what to do. Tonight there’s no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they’ll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they’ll all be red, you’ll see.”

She says Well, what the heck it can’t hurt to try it.

Next day her neighbor asks how it worked.

“So so,” she answers. “The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.”

How do you fix a broken pizza?
– Tomato paste.

I love to smother my burger with lots of chunky tomato, onion and garlic condiment.
– I really relish it.

What did the macaroni say to the tomato?
– “Don’t get saucy with me!”

Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
– Because they can’t ketchup.

(OC) guy at work doesn’t like tomatoes, so I asked him,
What’s it like, to-hate-o to-mah-to?

(OC cuz I thought of it myself but I’ll admit I’m sure someone somewhere has said this before)

Not sure if this translates well from my Albanian origins

So their was a farmer woman and she is tending her crops and notices her tomatoes are brown and rotten. She looks over to her neighbors and they were bright red and juicy.

So one day she sees her neighbor and asks him.

“Her what’s your secret? My tomatoes will never get like yours and I water them every day”

Farmer says “My secret is at night I water them naked and they get embarrassed and blush”

So she goes out at night and gets naked and waters the tomatoes.

2 weeks go by and the neighbor sees her and asks how her tomatoes are doing.

She responds “She responds “tomatoes are still brown and rotten but the cucumbers are long, hard, juicy and thick”

Why did the tomato blush?
– Because he saw the salad dressing.

After the first watering of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s tomato seeds, what did he say to them?
– You have been germinated.

If tomatoes are fruit, why is there a tomato in Veggietales?
– The gourd works in mysterious ways.

You say tomato, I say tomato
– But it doesn’t make that much sense when you read it.

“Should I be concerned about eating genetically modified tomatoes?”
– Tomato: “No”

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