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Money jokes 💰💲 in 2024

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Yolanda.
Yolanda who?
Yolanda me some money.

What would a stockbroker say to another stockbroker when they wanted the other person to stop talking?
– They’d probably say, “Put a stock in it”.

My daughter wants to be really scary this Halloween so instead of a costume, she is going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.

If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.

Where can you always find money?
– In the dictionary.

What would you call it if you crossed a millionaire with a sorceress?
– Ms Richie Witch.

What would you name it if you took an exam about bad puns on how to scam money from people?
– It’d be called a pun-ching con-test.

I remember being in so much debt that I couldn’t afford my electricity bills, it was a dark time.

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

How is the moon like a dollar?
– They both have four quarters.

Why didn’t the cows have any money?
– It’s because the farmers usually milk them dry.

My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is. I told him, “My door is always open”.

I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.

I won 3 million dollars in the lottery this weekend, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Celeste.
Celeste who?
Celeste time I lend you money.

What would you call a man that had a head full of change?
– He’d probably be called Headquarters.

Having teenagers is just paying for a bunch of dates that you don’t get to go on.

Borrow money from pessimists, they don’t expect it back.

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