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Money jokes 💰💲 in 2023

What is brown and has a head and a tail, but no legs?
– A penny.

How much money would you be left with if you win $5 million on the lottery and decide to donate a quarter of that to charity?
– You’ll still have $4,999,999.75.

In England, what would you be called if you had to pay money to live inside a toilet?
– You’d probably be called a loo tenant.

Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.

How much money does a skunk have? One scent!

What has a hundred heads and a hundred tails?
– One hundred pennies.

How can you become rich by eating?
– You should eat fortune cookies.

Why should you invest all your money in yeast?
– Because it has the ability to make your dough rise.

Why is money called dough?
– Because we all knead it.

It’s true that money can’t buy you true love. It does, however, put you in a good position to bargain.

If money grew on trees, what would be everyone’s favorite season?
– Fall.

What was the football coach yelling to the vending machine that ate his money?
– He was saying “give me my quarterback”.

If time is money are ATM’s time machines?

I don’t mean to brag but I’m helping a Nigerian Prince with a pretty serious financial matter. I can’t really talk about it.

Did you hear about the $5,000,000 New Jersey State Lottery?
– The winner gets $5 a year for a million years

When does it rain money?
– When there is “change” in the weather.

What ad did the safe company display on their billboard?
– “If your things get stolen, well it’s not our vault.”

Why did the man get caught just for accidentally dropping some money inside his washing machine?
– Probably because the police thought that he was laundering money.

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