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Holiday jokes ๐Ÿ–๏ธ in 2022

The Twelve Days of Christmasโ€ is completely unrealistic.
– There is no way that youโ€™re still accepting gifts from someone after four days of birds.

Christmas: the time when everyone gets Santamental.

Whatโ€™s Pedroโ€™s favorite part of Christmas?
– What?
– Elfalfa milkshakes!

Knock, knock!
– Whoโ€™s there?
– Dexter.
– Dexter, who?
– Dexter halls with boughs of holly.

Why didnโ€™t Rudolph get a good report card?

– Because he went down in history.

How to make a Christmas song:
– Add sleigh bells
– Thatโ€™s it, youโ€™re done

The Hanukkah miracle is that the menorah oil lasted eight extra days.
– I re-create this miracle with every tube of toothpaste.

Where do snowmen keep their money?
– Beats me.
– In a snow bank.

What do you call Santa when he stops moving?

– Santa Pause

What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?

– The abdominal snowman.

The office holiday party is a great place to meet everyone youโ€™ve been emailing from ten feet away.

My friend reviewed her young sonโ€™s fill-in-the-blank homework. One line: โ€œAt Christmas, we exchange gifts with ____.โ€
– His response: โ€œReceipts.โ€

Teacher: Johnny, define claustrophobia.
– Johnny: Fear of Santa Claus?

What is an elfโ€™s favorite sport?

– North-pole vaulting.

Letโ€™s go get a Christmas tree!โ€
โ€” A divorce story.

One of my four nephews just brought me wine and said, โ€œHereโ€™s your Christmas juice,โ€ and now heโ€™s the one Iโ€™m leaving everything to.

Someone must be mad at Frosty the Snowman.
– Why?
– Because they gave him two black eyes.

What do you get when you eat Christmas ornaments?
– Not sure.
– Tinsel-itis!

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