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Holiday jokes ๐Ÿ–๏ธ in 2024

I love this time of year!
– You mean you โ€˜oveโ€™ it.
– What?
– Because thereโ€™s Noรซl.

On the 13th day of Christmas,
– my true love said to me, โ€œI think I might be a hoarder.โ€

[Friend opens Christmas present.]
Me: Itโ€™s a lie detector.
– Friend: Ohโ€ฆ I love it.
– Me: [whispering] Weโ€™ll see.

What are you going to give your little brother for Christmas this year?
– I havenโ€™t decided yet.
– What did you give him last year?
– The measles.

What’s another name for Santa’s Little Helpers?

– Subordinate clauses.

What do grouchy sheep say during the holidays?

– Baaaaaa humbug!

What kind of Christmas music do elves like?
– Wrap music!

Think how much more exciting โ€œDreidel, Dreidel, Dreidelโ€ would be if theyโ€™d written it after the dreidel was dry and ready.

What did the peanut butter say to the grape on Christmas?
– I donโ€™t know.
– โ€œโ€˜Tis the season to be jelly.โ€

What do ๏ฌsh sing during winter?
– What?
– Christmas corals.

Where does a snowman keep his money?

– In a snow bank.

My wife: How many presents did you get wrapped?
– Me [proudly]: Four.
– Wife: In an hour?
– Me: They were oddly shaped.

Whatโ€™s St. Nicholasโ€™s favourite measurement in the metric system?
– The Santameter!

What is a birdโ€™s favorite Christmas story?
– I havenโ€™t a clue.
– The Finch Who Stole Christmas.

What did the reindeer say to the football player?
– I donโ€™t know.
– โ€œYour Blitzen days are over!โ€

What kind of music do elves like?

– “Wrap” music.

Prince Philip looks out the window on Christmas Eve. โ€œThatโ€™s some reindeer,โ€ he says.
– The queen replies, โ€œ65 years. Yes, that is a lot.โ€

According to this advent calendar Iโ€™m eating, Christmas was five minutes ago.

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