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Calculus Jokes ➗ in 2024

Don’t date a calculus teacher
– They’re gonna replace u

I got arrested for doing calculus drunk.
-The officer told me to never drink and derive.

In high school math class …
-I owned a car and I was good at calculus. They made me the “designated deriver”.

My Calculus teacher told me:”Degrees are essentially useless in this class, we will use radians instead.”
– I replied:”Is that why you’re teaching Calculus?”

What is it called when Fergy argues with his calculus teacher?
-Plus C vs. Ferguson

Someone told me they didn’t like calculus
-I told them their opinion would change over time.

A calculus professor enters a bar, and is arrested an hour later…
-Apparently he was drinking and deriving

Two mathematicians walk into a bar…
and begin to argue about the intelligence of the waitresses. One mathematician gets up, and on his way to the bathroom stops his server. He tells her: “I’ll give you $5 is you answer “one-third x cubed” to the next question I ask you, ok?”
-The server nods, and walks away. When the mathematician returns to his table, he tells his colleague: “I bet you $100 that our server can answer a simple calculus problem.” He then proceeds to flag down the server and asks her, “What is the indefinite integral of x squared?”
She responds, “one-third x cubed.” The man then proceeds to collect his money, only to be interrupted by the server saying “plus a constant.”

I once knew a guy with teeth so bad
-His calculus had advanced to trigonometry.

What wild animal is good at calculus?
– The tangent lion.

What do you call a wizard who is good at calculus?
-A mathemagician

Have you heard about the calculus professor who tried some bad amphetamines and ended up believing he was a moth?
-It’s the old meth math moth myth.

What did one calculus book say to the other?
– Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!

Man I really hate calculus.
-It just derives me crazy

Why did former Alabama governor George Wallace fail high school calculus?
-He refused to integrate.

I failed math so many times in school
-I can’t even count simple calculus

Why are pirates the best at calculus?
-Because a true pirate never forgets the C .

Our school should start a calculus club
-We would all derive fun from it

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