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Kidney jokes in 2022

I woke up this morning and one of my kidneys was gone…

Doctor said I had kidney failure.-
I asked “How can that be? I am an adult, I have adult knees.”

During an orga-n donation how do doctors decide which kidney to pick?
– They pick the right one.

I took a selfie after my kidney removal surgery
– hashtag nofilter

I was in the hospital for kidney issues and the urologist told me I needed a cystoscopy. I asked him what the hell that was.
– “We are going to YouTube your Peetube.”

Did you hear about the fat kidney doctor who could predict the weather?
– She was a meaty urologist.

If animal organs were compatible with humans…
– Your dog would offer you his kidney even if he only had one that worked.

How many kidneys ya got?
– Told this one to my daughter a while back.

Why did the chubby kidney doctor go to the weather convention?
– He heard they were looking for meaty urologists.

Donate one kidney, they call you a hero. Donate two, they call you a saint.
– But donate three or more, and suddenly you’re a “monster.”

My ex-wife passed away so I went to the cemetery to honor her. I brought a 20 year old bottle of fine scotch and poured it over her grave
– But first I filtered it through my kidneys.

Jock McTavish is on his deathbed…
– His lifelong pal McGregor is sitting vigil by his side.

The UK doesnt have a kidney bank…
– but it does have a Liverpool

Doctor to Patient – Your kidney failed.
– Patient – What was the pass marks?

It’s been kidnapped!

When you turn 18 your body stops using your kidneys.
– And they start using their adult knees.

Did you know you start out with four kidneys, but lose two of them growing up?
They turn into adult knees.

Do you remember the teen who had that kidney problem a decade ago?
– He’s doesn’t have that problem anymore. He’s knees are normal sized now.

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