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Kidney jokes in 2024

What did the kidney stone say to the man?
– Urine trouble.

Parents are like kidneys
– It’s ok with one but having two is the best.

I took a selfie after my kidney removal surgery
– hashtag nofilter

My ex-wife passed away so I went to the cemetery to honor her. I brought a 20 year old bottle of fine scotch and poured it over her grave
– But first I filtered it through my kidneys.

What happens when a kidney smokes weed?
– It gets kidney stoned.

Where did the heart, liver, and kidney go on a road trip?
– Oregon

Found a cure for kidney stone.
– Eat paper.

The doctor today told me I had kidney stones.
– It really rocked my world.

If you donate a kidney, everybody loves you and you’re a total hero.
– But try donating five kidneys and suddenly everyone is yelling and the police get involved.

During an autopsy, why are the heart, kidneys, liver and lungs arranged alphabetically?
So they are organ-ized.

What did the kidney say to the other kidney when it failed?
– Urine trouble now.

Are you my uncles kidney?
– Because you’re a failure.

I donate 1 kidney to a hospital and everyone thinks I am a hero
– I donate 10 kidneys and everyone thinks I am a monster

How many kidneys do kids have?
– 4! They have 2 kidneys and 2 kid knees

England doesn’t have a kidney bank
– But they do have a Liverpool.

What do you call a gay guy’s kidney stones?
– Fruity pebbles

What’s a kidneys favorite type of music?
– Organ music!

What’s 120 pinto beans plus 120 kidney beans?
– Two-farty

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