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Painting jokes 🎨🖼️🖌️ in 2023

How did Leonardo Da Vinci never sleep hungry?
– He just painted The Last Supper.

Paint thinner is a great palette cleanser…
– But a terrible palate cleanser.

What do you call a dream about paint?
– A pigment of your imagination!

After having his title stripped and funds cut off by the Royal Family, Harry has taken up painting to supplement his income.
– He’s the Artist formerly known as Prince.

A rich snail goes into a car shop…
– He picks out a super fast car and says, “I want a big S painted on the left side, the right side, the front, the back. I want big Ss everywhere! The car painter asks why, and the snail says, “Because when I pass people on the road I want them to point at me and say, ‘Wow! Look at that escargot!'”

She left the artist.
– He was more about louvre than love.

I was once in an art gallery once looking at a painting of Margaret Thatcher in a bikini …
– a security guard wandered over to me and said “sir you can’t wear that in here”

Why did the snail paint a big S on the side of his vehicle?
– So when he drove by people would say “look at that S car go!”

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Russian are looking at a painting of Adam and Eve
– The Englishman admires it and says “Look at them, calm, reserved, and proper, they were surely English.”

The Frenchmen laughs and replies “They are naked and beautiful, there is no doubt they would be French.”

The Russian slowly shakes his head “No clothes, no house, no possessions, they have only an apple to eat, and they are told this is paradise. My friends, they are definitely Russian.”

Why was the artist convicted of false murder charges?
– Guess he was framed!

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
– So they can hide in cherry trees.

Stalin appears to Putin in a dream.
– “Why is everything here so bad?” asks Putin, “What can I do to make Russia great again?”

Stalin replies, “Execute half the government and paint the Kremlin blue.”

“Why blue?” asks the inquisitive Putin.

“I knew you wouldn’t object to the first part” says Stalin.

Artist: “How are my paintings selling?”
– Gallery owner: “When I explained how the value would greatly increase after your death, very well! One person bought 15 paintings!”

Artist: “Oh! That’s amazing! Who bought them?”

Gallery owner: “Your doctor.”

Hitler wanted to be a painter but failed. Ended up almost killing entire ethnicities of people.
– He never did learn to mix the colours.

What did Salvador Dali have for breakfast?
– A nice bowl of surreal!

My friend covered their walls with whiteboard paint
– I’ve never seen something so remarkable

How many kittens does it take to paint a house?
– That depends on how much splash damage you get when you launch them at the wall.

What’s the difference between Christ and an oil painting?
– It only takes one nail to hang a painting.

This joke nearly got me kicked out of the choir.

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