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Painting jokes 🎨🖼️🖌️ in 2022

Did you hear about the artist who just died?
– Guess he had too many strokes.

What’s red and smells like blue paint?
– Red paint.

Termite Food
– So I work in a retail store where we routinely have shipments of freight arriving on wooden skids. A truck driver will come by every week or so, and pick up the empty skids so they can be reused.

Out of curiosity, I asked the driver if he ever worried about termites getting into his trailer. He said the brand of skids we use are chemically treated, so termites won’t eat them. You can tell the difference because instead of being regular wood, they’re usually painted blue.

So I said, “In other words, they can’t palate pallets in that pallette?”

I was once in an art gallery once looking at a painting of Margaret Thatcher in a bikini …
– a security guard wandered over to me and said “sir you can’t wear that in here”

What did the painter do when he was angry?
– He made a scene.

Which painter had the most bubbly personality? Philippe de Champaigne.

What do you call a person whose job is paint cars.
– Car Painter

A Nigerian Governor wants to paint the Government house.
– A Nigerian Governor wants to paint the Government house. He calls for quotation….
Chinese guy quoted 3 million.
European guy quoted 7 million.
Nigerian guy quoted 10 million.
The Governor asked the chinese guy..”..
how did u quote 3 million..?”
Chinese guy replied ..”1 million for paint, 1 million for labour and 1 million profit..”
The Governor asked european guy..
He replied-“.. 3 million for paint 2 million for labour 2 million profit..”
The Governor asked Nigerian guy.. He replied….”4 million for you…”3 million for me…. and we will give “3 million to the chinese guy and ask him to paint..!!”
The Nigerian guy got the contract!
This is the system that has continued to milk Nigeria dry.
Could be a joke but it’s a reality today!…..
Have a glorious day.

I hired an ex-pilot to do some painting in my house
– Turns out he’s pretty good at it! He did a great job of the the landing.

A model asked a painter girl
– “Why do you always paint me in black and white”

“There is no u in color” She said

One time Lucy tried to paint the sky,
– but she blue it.

Just watched a movie where a mad scientist rigs a DeLorean to time travel and he paints everything purple, it’s called…
– “Back to the Fuschia”

Two drunk men were walking down the road when they see a nice house..
– Carl goes ‘Eh, I bet we can push that’
John goes ‘Yeaah but let’s take our shirts off so we don’t get paint on them’

They take their shirts off and hang them off a tree branch and start pushing…. the building.

A thief comes and steals their shirts…

*3 minutes later*
r>Carl – ‘John ! Look we left our shirts behind let’s keep pushing’

I don’t know why my painting career never took off
– Doctors always told me I was on the artistic spectrum.

What was the first thing the artist said on calling up his best friend?
– Yellow?

What’s the difference between the crucifixion of Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
– It only takes one nail to hang the painting.

Norwegian naval ships all have large bar codes painted on their hulls…
– So when they return to port a sailor can scan da navy in.

What’s the difference between the crucifixion of Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
– It only takes one nail to hang the painting.

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