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Pregnancy jokes 🤰👶 in 2023

What size pants do you wear?
– Leggings.

“You better pay for that pee stick when you’re done with it. Don’t think it’s yours just because you marked it with your urine!”

“If pregnancy were a book, they would cut the last two chapters.”

How is a pregnant woman similar to a toddler?
– She outgrows her clothes every week!

Teacher: “Give me a sentence about a public servant.”
Student: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.” Teacher: “Do you know what pregnant means?” Student: “Yes, it means you’re carrying a child.”

My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
– Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

am pregnant, which means I am sober, swollen, and hungry.

“Does the baby have access to my ribs? It feels like they’re bars and she’s an old-timey prisoner with a tin mug.”

How is being pregnant is like being a child again?
– There’s always someone telling you what to do!

What do a pregnant woman and a burned cake have in common?
– You should’ve taken it out earlier.

If you eat a pregnant girl’s food…
– You’re required to have the baby for her.

“That first pregnancy is a long sea journey to a country where you don’t know the language, where land is in sight for such a long time that after a while it’s just the horizon — and then one day, birds wheel over that dark shape and it’s suddenly close, and all you can do is hope like hell that you’ve had the right shots.” — Emily Perkins

Is there any reason for me to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
– Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

How will I know if my puking is morning sickness or the flu?
– If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

What’s better than eating for two while pregnant?
– Shopping for two.

“You don’t look so hot.”

“Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.”

How to ensure your baby is a Shrek fan?
– Play All-Star by Smashmouth all day, every day while your wife slowly goes crazy.

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