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Pregnancy jokes 🤰👶 in 2023

What’s common between hide and seek, and an unintentional pregnancy?
– Ready or not, here I come!

What do you give a new mom, so she’s ready for anything?
– A diaper bag of tricks.

Is there any reason for a husband to be in the delivery room while his wife is in labor?
– Only if the word “alimony” means anything to him.

Waiting for this baby to be born is like picking up someone from the airport.
But you don’t know who they are or what time their flight comes in

What do you call it when two flowers have a surprise pregnancy?
– An oopsie-daisy!

Today at the pharmacy I noticed a woman without a face mask buying a pregnancy test.
– She clearly isn’t a fan of protection.

What would be different if men were the ones who got pregnant?
– Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay, and morning sickness would rank as the nation’s number one health problem.

What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
– It means that the baby’s mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

“Everything grows rounder and wider and weirder, and I sit here in the middle of it all and wonder who in the world you will turn out to be.” — Carrie Fisher

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a tyrant?
You can negotiate with a tyrant.

If April showers bring in May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
– Pilgrims!

How do you define pregnancy?
– A nine-month-long hostage situation where you are both the hostage and the building.

The first sonogram pic is like a tourist pic of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

“Having a child is liking getting a tattoo… on your face. You better be committed.”

I’m 20 weeks pregnant. When will my baby move?
– With any luck, right after he graduates college

The stork is the bird that helps deliver babies. What bird helps prevent pregnancy?
– The swallow.

How is a pregnant woman like a toddler?
– She outgrows her clothes every week!

Pregnancy is nine months of cheat days.

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