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Chuck Norris jokes in 2022

Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger,
-by yelling, “Bang!”

Chuck Norris doesn’t dial the wrong number,
-you pick up the wrong phone.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, ‘Two seconds till.’
-After you ask, ‘Two seconds to what?’ he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris beats rock, paper, scissors.
-Cannon balls, tanks, super destroyers, exploding stars — I could go on.

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
-he turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure.
-Chuck Norris goes killing.

Some kids piss their name in the snow.
-Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close.
-It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite.
-Chuck Norris bites frost.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born,
-roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe.
– We weren’t before his first space expedition.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies,
-just check the extinct species list.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg.
-After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

When Chuck Norris writes,
-he makes paper bleed.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books.
-He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris never retreats;
-He just attacks in the opposite direction.

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters.
-Because not even glass is dumb enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn’t try to survive.
-The zombies do.

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