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Insurance jokes 📋 in 2023

What did the insurance salesman say when a man asked whether he would get any insurance if a volcano near his house erupted?
– The agent assured him that he would be covered.

The best car insurance which any snake can get is fully cobrahensive!

My insurance company insisted on treating their clients as their friends.
– Guess, they really believe in Allianz!

How many actuaries would it take to change one light bulb?
– Depends on how many it took last year.

What retirement policy did the young man have?
– If he paid his premiums faithfully, then in the coming years, his insurance salesman could retire happily forever.

There are worst things in life than death.
– Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance agent?

Why wasn’t the man worried about the safety of his online insurance account?
– Because he really wouldn’t hate it if someone tried to pay his insurance!

What’s the difference between an actuary and a Mafia don?
– The actuary can tell you how many people will die this year. The Mafia don can tell you the names of all of them.

I asked my insurance salesman if the new life insurance policy that I was getting was going to cover any harm or losses from hail storms.
– He replied, “Yes, it would”. I exclaimed, “Hail the company.”

Why was the policy so happy on his 20th work anniversary?
– He had finally gotten tenure.

Life insurance is really strange. It´s a weird concept. You really don´t get anything for it. It works like this:
– You pay me money. And when you die, I´ll pay you money.

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.

Why did the passenger get nervous when she read her fortune cookie that she had bought at the airport?
– Because her fortune cookie read, “Today’s investment is going to pay big dividends!”

What kind of health insurance do Halloween monsters need?
– They need medi-scare.

Once, a man cut his hand to claim his insurance.
– People go to strange lengths for just a handout!

What was the wife’s response when the husband mentioned pet insurance? She replied, “What would that in-tail?”

My father was trying to find a good dental insurance policy.
– But he couldn’t, so being exhausted he said, “It’s impossible, it’s like pulling teeth”.

Insurance agent to his lawyer: I want a divorce. My wife hasn´t spoken to me for six months.
– Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are hard to get!

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