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Hillbilly jokes in 2024

Two hillbilly sisters are fighting about who is better
They ask their dad.
“Daddy who’s your favorite daughter?”
The father looks at both of them, “Your mother.”

What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
– The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

[OFFENSIVE] How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw…

(Heard this one the other day from a friend, and thought I might share it here. :P)

What does a hillbilly girl say during sex?
– Get off me daddy, you’re crushing my cigarettes

A plane from J.F.K. is coming in to land at a rural airport in Arkansas at midnight.
Mouthy pilot turns to his co-pilot, winks & says “watch this”……
“Pilot to control tower……hey there Hillbilly, guess who!!”
Control tower switches off the airport lights…..
“Control tower to pilot……. Hey there Yankee, guess *where!!*”

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
– Ask a redneck!

What does a redneck do when his dishwasher stops working?
– Slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work

What did the hillbilly say to his sister after she asked him to have sex with her?
– If you incest.

I finally convinced my hillbilly friend to get a Covid vaccination, but he doesn’t want Moderna.
– He says, just because she sang some good pop songs back in the 80s don’t mean she knows how to make a vaccine! .

What do you call a redneck swimming in the ocean?
– A saltine cracker.

Why do some goats scream like humans?
– They evolved this way to have a hillbilly rape alarm.

Two hillbillies are discussing plans for dinner
After throwing ideas back and forth of what to cook, their eyes catch some roadkill on the side of the road. One of them eagerly suggests, “how about Himalayan Woodchuck?”

“Himalayan Woodchuck?” the other hillbilly scoffed. “What in the devil is that?”

“You know,” the other says, gesturing towards the corpse, “because we found Himalayan on the side of the road.”

There are two kinds of Hillbilly women. Those who get married and have a lot of kids….
….and those who are a single and have a lot of kids.

Whats the difference between a hillybilly family reunion and a hillbilly funeral?
– At the funeral, there’s DEFINITELY one guy not enjoying the sex.

What do you call a hillbilly who owns sheep and goats.
– Bisexual.

How can you tell if a redneck is married?
– There is tobacco spit stains on both sides of his pickup truck

Did you hear about the hillbilly who was called to testify in court?
– When he spoke you could only see the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.

How did the hillbilly find his cousin in the woods?
– Pretty good.

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