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Heart jokes ❤️ in 2023

Since COVID-19, I have the body of a 50 year old, the brain of a 40 year old and the heart of a 25 year old.
– All tucked away nicely in my freezer!

What was the main ingredient of junk food at the stall in the fair?
– Heart disease.

When the cardiology said that the patient required an emergency heart surgery, what did the patient reply?
– I’ll bypass my heart problems.

Use “TOMATOES” to win a girl’s heart?
– I love you from my head TOMATOES.

How do you kill a vampire with high cholesterol?
– By driving a steak through his heart.

What praise did the cardiologist get for keeping all her patient’s names in alphabetical order?
– He was very organ-ized.

What did the Italian chef say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
– You will always have a pizza my heart.

Why is Kim Jong Un heartless?
– Because he has no Seoul.

What did the drum say to the drumstick?
– My heart beats for you.

Why should you remember to take the candles off your cake before you eat it?
– You might get heartburn.

So they say you can get a heart transplant from a pig now
– Call me a Guinea pig doc’

A man loses his hat and decides the easiest way to get another one is to steal it.
– He goes to the church cloakroom to get a hat. A sermon about the Ten Commandments was going on. The man pauses to listen and then changes his mind. On nearing the exit, he runs into the pastor.

He says, “I came here with sin in my heart. I must say, you saved me from crime.”

The pastor replies, “That’s nice to hear. What sin were you about to commit?”

The man replies, “I came here to steal a hat, but your sermon made me change my mind.”

The priest says, “May I know what part of my sermon made you see the error of your ways?”

The man replies, “When you reached the ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery’ part, I suddenly remembered where I left my hat.”

What did one volcano say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
– I lava you with all my heart.

Why did the heart bang the door so many times for permission?
– It had palpitations.

Why did Lily paint the hearts in her Valentine’s Day card in white?
– Because she was feeling lighthearted.

My mother always said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
– She was a lovely and generous woman, but a terrible surgeon.

How does a male farmer win the heart of a female farmer?
– Attract her.

What is the favorite non-fiction book of a Cardiology teacher?
– The “Heart of Living”.

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