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Heart jokes ❤️ in 2024

Since COVID-19, I have the body of a 50 year old, the brain of a 40 year old and the heart of a 25 year old.
– All tucked away nicely in my freezer!

How did Gina know that she wanted to be a cardiologist?
– She always followed her heart.

The heart and soul of a chef
– A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and dinner. After a few bites of his meal, he calls the bartender over. “Normally the food here is great,” the guys says. “But tonight it is really cold and bitter.” “Sorry about that. My wife is doing the cooking tonight,” the bartender says. “She’s really putting all of her heart and soul into it.”

How to easily reach a woman’s heart?
– By being a cardiac surgeon

What do you call two birds in love?
– Tweethearts.

What is the heart’s favorite shade of red?
– It’s beat-red.

Why did the shy doctor call his wife a thoracic cavity?
– Because she kept his heart.

I have done some research, and discovered what food you are most likely to die of a heart attack.
– “Caesar Salad.”

[OC.]

So this woman had some heart troubles….
– She went to see her doctor who prescribed testosterone.

About a month later she returns for a checkup. Doctor asks her how she’s been. She says: “Fine, but I have some unexpected hairgrowth in unusual places.”
Doc says: “really? Like where?”

She says: “at my balls”…

Why did the pig give his girlfriend a heart shaped box of candy?
– It was Valenswine’s Day.

What was the Irish dancer called after he died?
– Michael Flatline.

Why did Karen gift her boyfriend a lettuce plant?
– Because it’s all heart.

To kill a French vampire you need to drive a baguette through their heart.
– It may sound easy, but the process is painstaking.

What do you call the smallest mother?
– The minimum

(Not OPs, but chuckled, heart = warm)

How did the cardiac surgeon show his girlfriend where his heart lay?
– With a scalpel and bone saw.

When is the worst time to have a heart attack???
– When you’re playing charades nobody gonna help you

I’m looking for someone with a good heart, not someone with good looks.
– Please I really need that heart transplant

Why did the Valentine get arrested?
– For stealing someone’s heart.

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