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Heart jokes ❤️ in 2024

Since COVID-19, I have the body of a 50 year old, the brain of a 40 year old and the heart of a 25 year old.
– All tucked away nicely in my freezer!

What car did the heart surgeon have for himself?
– A beater.

I have the heart of a lion.
– And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

I have the eyes of an artist, the mind of a scientist, the hands of a pianist, and the heart of a child.
– Now I’m getting the electric chair after I was caught trying to get the liver of a politician.

What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day?
– My heart beats for you.

What is Cupid’s favorite rockband?
– Heart.

on their sleeves.

There are 2 ways to a man’s heart. Through his stomach and through his pants.
– So why not kill two birds with one stone and go for a creampie.

Three old grannies are on a park bench when a very attractive naked young man runs by in front of them.
– The three old ladies, who hadn’t had action in decades, fixed their eyes on the handsome hunk and gasped.

Janice pressed her hand on her heart and said, “wow, that whippersnapper damn near gave me a heart attack.”

Edna, rubbing her neck, added, “I almost had an asthma attack!”
r>Mavis , still reaching in front of her, out of breath, exclaimed, “I almost had a stroke– but he was just out of my reach.”

Why are artichokes the most loving vegetable?
– Because they have heart.

Why did the pig have a heart attack?
– It had too much bacon.

What did the locksmith tell his girlfriend on Valentine’s day?
– You have the key to my heart.

On a plane is full of Redditors, a man starts having a heart attack.
– One of the flight attendants notices this and quickly shouts: “People of the plane, we’re having an emergency! Is anyone on this plane a doctor?”

Immediately, five people stand up and say
“I’m not a doctor, but…

What do you call a black guy having a heart attack?
– An ambulance.

What happened to the cardiologist who wanted to become an actor?
– It was all in vein.

I told my hypoxemic patient that his blood started entering the deoxygenated chambers of his heart.
– I said it was all RIGHT.

I caught my little brother…
– After a terrible shipwreck, a man found himself alone on an island. He went about the island in search of food and shelter. After a long walk, the man froze in terror as he saw a tribe of cannibals in the middle of a celebration.

The man thought to himself, “I am so screwed!” To his surprise, a bright light came from the heavens and a deep voice said to him “Not yet my son, listen very carefully: what you have to do is run up to the chief of the tribe, kick him in the nuts, and take his spear. As soon as you take his spear, kill his only son with it.”

Without thinking twice, the man does as he was told. As he put the spear through the young cannibal’s heart the bright light appeared again and the deep voice said to him,

“Okay, now you are screwed.”

Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards?
– His heart wasn’t in it.

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