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Heart jokes ❤️ in 2023

Since COVID-19, I have the body of a 50 year old, the brain of a 40 year old and the heart of a 25 year old.
– All tucked away nicely in my freezer!

Why was the woman searching for a man with a good heart?
– Because she needed a heart transplant!

Why did Wiona think that a defibrillator was a romantic gesture for Valentine’s Day?
– Because she wanted to show that her husband sends shocks to her heart.

My horoscope said I was going to get my heart broken in 12 years time
– So I bought a puppy to cheer myself up!

Marriage is like a card game.
– At first, you have two Hearts and a Diamond, but at the end, you’ll want a Club and a Spade.

Why did Robert fail the medical exam when his right shoulder was X-rayed?
– Because he did not put his heart into it.

What happens when a cardiac surgeon tries to do comedy?
– The viewers have heartburn.

Did you hear about the heart that went to jail?
– Reporters said it was cardiac arrest.

A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital.
– He wakes up as he’s being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.

“Am I in heaven?” asks the disoriented priest.

“No” says one of the nurses. “We’re just taking a short cut through the children’s ward.”

Who wrote the best love songs in the 60’s?
– Heart Garfunkel

Why was the ghost scared of coming out in the light?
– He did not have the heart to do it.

Why would the Backstreet Boys turn out to be terrible cardiologists?
– Because they will say that whatever you have is nothing but a heart-ache.

A fortune teller told me I’d suffer awful heart break in 12 years.
– To cheer myself up I bought a puppy.

The double quarter pounder with cheese from McDonald’s holds a special place in my heart.
– Mainly in the Coronary artery.

How can you tell when your heart is ready for a big game?
– It’s really pumped up.

What do you call an attack on an organ donation bank?
– A heart attack!

Why didn’t Daisy pay rent to live with her boyfriend?
– Because she lived in his heart.

My uncle has the heart of a lion, the eyes of a hawk, and the legs of a cheetah
– He’s also a trained taxidermist

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