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Swimming jokes 🏊🤿 in 2022

What is yellow and can’t swim?
– A school bus.

How do swimmers clean themselves?
– They wash up on shore!

My wife and I were watching my 6 yr old daughter swim and she says to me (not wanting to swear), “She needs to stop screwing around and keep her head above the Effin water!”
– So I said, “There’s no “F” in water”.

Why can’t the Kardashians swim at the beach?
– Because plastic is bad for the ocean.

A young Blonde was on vacation in Louisiana She wanted a pair of real alligator shoes in the worst way, but she didn’t want to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
– After becoming very frustrated with the ‘no haggle’ attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, ‘Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!’ The shopkeeper said, ‘By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!’ Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist-deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, ‘Darn, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!’

Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
– Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is in the US

Why do dolphins only swim in salt water?
– Because pepper makes them sneeze!

Classical musicians always prefer to do Bach stroke while swimming.

A swim coach and a dentist would make for an excellent pair
– because they both use drills.

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks
– It cost me an arm and a leg!

A stranded man
– Young man’s fishing boat is blown off course and he ends up stranded on a small island. He gets along OK but he’s very lonely. Then, one day, A yacht sinks off of his island. A young woman, the only survivor, swims ashore wearing a wetsuit. He greets her and she is surprised to find somebody else on the island. He tells her that he’s been there for several years and he’s happy to see her. She says “several years I bet it’s been a while since you’ve had some good food.” He allows that this is true he’s been surviving on fish and coconuts. She unzips one of the pockets on her wetsuit and takes out some MREs. Young man says, “I thought you said good food? Well, they’ll be a change from fish and coconut anyway.” “Well how about a drink then” she says. She opens another pouch on her wetsuit and takes out a bottle of whiskey. Since all the man’s head is coconut milk and distilled water this makes him very happy. He takes a slug out of the bottle and it’s delicious. Then the young lady asks, “Since you’ve been here so long it’s probably been a while since you’ve played around?” And she slowly begins to unzip the large zipper in the front of the wetsuit. The young man, in a very surprised voice says, “You’ve got golf clubs in there?”

How do you persuade elephants to go swimming?
– Remind them that they already have their trunks on.

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