Swimming jokes 🏊🤿 in 2023

What is yellow and can’t swim?
– A school bus.

How do swimmers clean themselves?
– They wash up on shore!

A man’s ship sinks and he finds himself marooned on a deserted island. After a 2 months, a beautiful woman in a wetsuit swims ashore.
“I bet it’s been a while since you had a beer.” she says. “Oh, boy has it ever!” the man replies and she proceeds to pull an ice cold beer out of a pocket of the wet suit and hands it to him.
“I bet it’s been a while since you had a cigar.” she says. “My, it has been so long!” and she proceeds to pull a cigar and lighter out of another pocket. She lights him the cigar and hands it to him.
“I bet it’s been a while since you…. played around.” she says, teasingly pulling at the zipper on the front of the wetsuit.
“Are you kidding me?!” says the man. “You have a bag of golf clubs in there, too?!”

A woman’s swim team competitor was really upset by her recent loss at the Olympics.
– It was during the breast stroke competition when she came in fourth place. She complained the other women were cheating because they were using their arms.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water.
I love supporting the community.

I never felt so low in my life than when I went scuba diving.

Cop: “Excuse me Miss, but swimming in the lake is not permitted.” Woman: “Why didn’t you mention this to me when I was getting undressed?
– Cop: “Well, because that is permitted.”

Why did the swimmer go back in time?
– Because he was doing the backstroke!

My friend told me never to go swimming in The Dead Sea because that’s where zombies go swimming.

People who don’t like swimming puns have a very dry sense of humor.

A blonde is in a wheat field attempting to row a small boat.
### A blonde is in a wheat field attempting to row a small boat.
A blonde is in a wheat field attempting to row a small boat.
Another two blondes drive past and see her struggling.
The driver says “look at that idiot! She gives smart blondes like us a bad name!” >
The other blonde says “I know right! If only I could swim I’d go out there and kick her ass!”

A blonde is in a swimming competition.
She comes in dead last in the 100m breast stroke. After she climbs out of the pool, she walks over to the referee.

“I don’t want to sound like a whiner,” she says, “but I think the other swimmers were using their arms.”

A 55 year old lady suddenly started learning to swim instead of her usual routine of going to a temple !!!!
Everyone was curious and asked her: “why the change in your interest to swimming now a days?”
The lady, with a look of helplessness replied: “Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrel with each other my Daughter-in-law always asks my son : – “If your mom and I fall into water, whom will you save first?”
And because I do not want to put my son in a difficult position, I am learning to swim!”
A few days later husband and wife were quarrelling again and the daughter-in-law unreasonably asked: ” now tell me! If your mom and I fall into water, whom will you save first?”
Husband replied:
“I don’t have to get into the water, my mom knows to swim, she will save you.”
Wife refused to relent: “No, you have to jump into the water, and have to save one of us”. Whom will you save ?
Husband replied: “Then you will surely die…. because I don’t know to swim …. and my mom will definitely save me first.”

What do you call the Kardashian family taking a swim in the ocean?
– pollution

Once, when I was a lifeguard years ago,
– someone was swimming and suddenly started yelling, help, shark! Help, shark! I just had to laugh. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help them.

The vegetarian never became a competitive swimmer
– because he didn’t like the idea of swim meats.

Swimmers only use Tide laundry pods.

I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda.
– Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.