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Swimming jokes 🏊🤿 in 2023

What is yellow and can’t swim?
– A school bus.

How do swimmers clean themselves?
– They wash up on shore!

What’s the first thing a fish thinks of when it swims into a concrete wall?
– Dam

An anti-vaxxer and an engineer are crossing a bridge over a crocodile-infested river
The anti-vaxxer asks “What are the odds of us making it across the bridge safely?”
The engineer replies “After a careful structural analysis, I calculate a 99.7% chance of crossing this bridge safely.”
The anti-vaxxer then says “Forget it, I’ll swim.”

Revenge of the penguins
– There is this large group of penguins living their peaceful, penguin lives.

One day, a ship crashes and sinks nearby. A polar bear swims to the ice from the sinking ship and quickly falls asleep, obviously exhausted from his ordeal.

The penguins, having never seen a polar bear, think nothing of it and go about their daily routines.

When the polar bear wakes up, he is hungry and starts eating penguins. This, as you would expect, causes concern amongst the colony.

After a few days of this carnage, the penguins have a meeting. Their leader says, “We need to cut a big hole in the ice where there is no water beneath it.” For penguins, this was a difficult task, but they trusted in their leader. It took a while, but they cut the large hole.

“Now, we need to gather a bunch of fish and put it around the hole.” The penguins were not happy to be catching fish for them not to eat, but they completed the task.

“What was the purpose of this?” asked one penguin. “He will eat the fish, then eat all of us!”

The leader says, “When the bear is eating the fish, he will be bent way over, next to the edge of the void we created. We will simply walk up behind him and kick him right in the ice hole!”

*Sorry for the bad pun, but my kids enjoyed this when I told them.

I had to give up scuba diving as a hobby after I hit rock bottom.

Two cats are having a swimming race
One is called ‘one two three’. The other ‘un deux trois’. Which cat won?
‘one two three’ won because ‘un deux trois’ cat sank.

Why don’t vegetarians swim in competitions?
– Because they don’t like meets.

Swimmers keep their cash in the river bank.

This pool is impressive. Or should I say swim-pressive?

My friend told me he put a potato down his swim trunks and now the girls won’t leave him alone
– Didn’t work for me. Apparently, you need to put it in the front.

What’s yellow and can’t swim
– A school bus full of children.

Two cats are having a swimming race
One is called ‘one two three’. The other ‘un deux trois’. Which cat won?
‘one two three’ won because ‘un deux trois’ cat sank.

On his cake day, the man swims across the river
When he is in the middle of the river, suddenly a loud voice out of nowhere asks: “plus two or minus two?”
The man decides that more is better than less and says : “plus two”.
At first it looks like nothing happened, but when he gets out of the water, he releases he now has 4 balls.
The man thinks to himself: “Now I look wired down there. I will swim to the other side again, and when the voice asks, I will answer minus two, and it will get back to normal”
The mans swims back, and in the middle of the river the voice out of nowhere asks: “plus four or minus four?”
The man says: “Plus four. But this time, it better be karma”

Everybody is trying to make big splashes nowadays by diving deep into conspiracy theories.

What lettuce do you eat at a swimming pool? >!Endives.!< What lettuce do you find in the Arctic? >!Iceberg.!< What lettuce do you eat in the Colosseum? >!Romaine.!< What lettuce do people with curly hair eat? >!Frisée!<

What is the best exercise for swimmers?
– Pool-ups!

Sharing these swimming puns at a summer pool party is the perfect way to have pun in the sun.

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