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Real estate jokes 🏡🏡 in 2024

Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean side mansion?
– It was too current.

It’s important to look closely at lawn signs during election campaigns…
– Last time I voted for a real estate agent.

What did the manager say to the real estate agent when he made a deal for Amazon?
– “Hey, John, you did an Amazon Prime job.”

What did the prisoner turned realtor say to his clients?
– Guy says, “Now I sell the blocks in New York paradise and not in prison”.

He travelled the globe for months and finally stopped at a campsite with 26 tents. The man went into the first tent, tent A. Three men came in to talk with him and they told jokes for a while. Two of the men said they knew what the dumbest pun in the world was. “It’s in tent A!” they said. The last man whispered in the man’s ear “It’s free real estate.”

(NOT THE ACTUAL JOKE)

The last man went to the back of the tent A, dug around for a while and said,”The other two are lying,” and tossed a piece of paper at him. It read, ‘Pun not in tent Z.’

What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
– Sherlock Homes.

I have a friend who is stout. When he joined realtor services, he was assigned to the division of short sales.

What did I do when my realtor did a lovely job in describing my property at the listing?
– I simply decided to keep it!

I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but I was outbid at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true:
– You can’t win a mall.

I was offered the chance to buy some real estate in Egypt’s Valley of the Kings
– but it turned out to be just a pyramid selling scheme

Why did the real estate agent buy a skateboard?
– So they could flip it.

A sophisticated realtor constantly speaks about proper tea.

Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
– Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!

The price of real estate in my neighbourhood has become so expensive only cats can afford it.
You need 9 lives to pay it off.

Ps – should this be in /showerthoughts?

Why would a real estate business never close down?
– Since it’ll never be out of commission.

We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
– They always have the lawn sprinkler on… it’s a source of constant irrigation.

What did the realtor remark when he saw a fine piece of clothing?
– It’s a fine print.

What would Spock say if he was a real estate agent who sold a house to his client?
– He would say, “Live long and prosper in this property”.

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