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One liner jokes in 2024

y drug test came back negative.
-My dealer sure has some explaining to do.

My Dad always knew I was going to be a comedian.
-When I was a baby he said, ‘Is this a joke?’

My drug test came back negative.
-My dealer sure has some explaining to do.

I once saw two people wrapped in a barcode and had to ask
-“are you an item?

When you look like I do,
-it’s hard to get a table for one at chuckee cheese.

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.
-I had to put my foot down.

My father is schizophrenia,
-but he’s good people.

I ate a clock yesterday.
-It was very time-consuming.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
-We’ll see about that.

I have an inferiority complex,
-but it’s not a very good one.

Does my wife think I’m a control freak?
-I haven’t decided yet.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather…
-Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It started off badly,
-but by the end I really liked it…

I have the world’s largest collection of seashells,
-you may have seen it, I keep it scattered on beaches all over.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step
-he is too old to go anywhere.

Onions make me sad.
A lot of people don’t realize that.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation for revenge.
-We’ll see about that.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather..
-Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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