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One liner jokes in 2023

y drug test came back negative.
-My dealer sure has some explaining to do.

My drug test came back negative.
-My dealer sure has some explaining to do.

I once saw two people wrapped in a barcode and had to ask
-“are you an item?

When you look like I do,
-it’s hard to get a table for one at chuckee cheese.

My Dad always knew I was going to be a comedian.
-When I was a baby he said, ‘Is this a joke?’

The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family.
-The problem is no one runs in your family.

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity
-and he threw the teacher out of the window.

Thirty ways to shape up for summer.
-Number one: eat less. Number two: exercise more. Number three: what was I talking about again? I’m so hungry.

I looked up my family tree
-and found three dogs using it.

I’m on a whiskey diet…
-I’ve lost three days already.

I don’t have a girlfriend,
-but I know a girl that would get really mad if she heard me say that.

I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59
-because I like that one-to-one time.

The problem with kleptomaniacs
– is that they always take things literally.

One time my whole family played hide and seek.
-They found my mother in Pittsburgh!

In Seattle, they have a saying:
-‘If you don’t like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.

My husband and I were happy for 20 years.
-And then we met.

Consider the daffodil…
-and while you’re doing that, I’ll be over here, going through your stuff.

I at a clock yesterday…
-it was very time-consuming.

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