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One liner jokes in 2024

y drug test came back negative.
-My dealer sure has some explaining to do.

My Dad always knew I was going to be a comedian.
-When I was a baby he said, ‘Is this a joke?’

My drug test came back negative.
-My dealer sure has some explaining to do.

I once saw two people wrapped in a barcode and had to ask
-“are you an item?

When you look like I do,
-it’s hard to get a table for one at chuckee cheese.

I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59
-because I like that one-to-one time.

The problem with kleptomaniacs
– is that they always take things literally.

One time my whole family played hide and seek.
-They found my mother in Pittsburgh!

In Seattle, they have a saying:
-‘If you don’t like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.

My husband and I were happy for 20 years.
-And then we met.

Consider the daffodil…
-and while you’re doing that, I’ll be over here, going through your stuff.

I at a clock yesterday…
-it was very time-consuming.

The liberals can understand everything
-but people who don’t understand them.

When I was a boy, I laid in my twin sized bed
-and wondered where my brother was.

When my boss asked me who was stupid, me or him,
-I told him he doesn’t hire stupid people.

I told him to be himself,
-that was pretty mean I guess.

A termite walks into the bar and asks,
-“Is the bar tender here?”

I can’t wait till Sunday,
-I’m gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece…

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