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One liner jokes in 2022

y drug test came back negative.
-My dealer sure has some explaining to do.

My Dad always knew I was going to be a comedian.
-When I was a baby he said, ‘Is this a joke?’

My drug test came back negative.
-My dealer sure has some explaining to do.

I once saw two people wrapped in a barcode and had to ask
-“are you an item?

When you look like I do,
-it’s hard to get a table for one at chuckee cheese.

When my boss asked me who was stupid, me or him,
-I told him he doesn’t hire stupid people.

I told him to be himself,
-that was pretty mean I guess.

A termite walks into the bar and asks,
-“Is the bar tender here?”

I can’t wait till Sunday,
-I’m gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece…

It’s sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as…
-wild dogs.

Any married person should forget their mistakes.
-No use two people remembering the same thing.

I have a friend. He keeps trying to convince me he’s a compulsive liar,
-but I don’t believe him.

Just burned 2,000 calories.
-That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

The people voting for the Oscars are so old.
-I haven’t seen one Academy Award voter with a tampon in her purse.

It became so cold in New York last night…
-that it forced the flashers to describe themselves to people.

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.
-I had to put my foot down.

My father is schizophrenia,
-but he’s good people.

I ate a clock yesterday.
-It was very time-consuming.

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