Country jokes 🐄🌾🚜 in 2024

Where did the vampire get school supplies for his son?
– Pennsylvania.

An American and a Soviet Russian were discussing the benefits of each country.
– The American says “I like America because if I don’t like the way things are going, I can walk into the White House, go up to the president’s desk, and say ‘Mr. President, I don’t like the way you’re running this country’
The Russian says “It’s the same in the USSR! If I don’t like the way things are going, I can go to the Kremlin Presidium, walk right up to the Presidium of the Supreme Soviet, and say ‘Members of the Presidium, I do not like the way that the American president is running his country'”

In Gulag
– Inmates discussing what they were sent to Gulag for.

“I was always 5 minutes late, so they sent me here for sabotage. You?”

“I was always 5 minutes early, so they sent me here for espionage. How about you, comrade?”

“I was always on time, so they sent me here for harming Soviet economy by buying watch in capitalist country”

How do you know the Grammys is rigged if a Country singer wins an award?
– Because it’s not a fair exchange.

When he was 10 years old, a boy went on a cross country trip with his family. (Long)
– They had seen the Grand Canyon and the world’s largest ball of string and today they were going to see the man with the best memory in the world. The man was Native American, and he entertained visitors at his home in Arizona.

The boy was very intrigued but struggled with how to test the man’s memory. When he met the man all the boy could think to ask was “What did you have for breakfast on my birthday, April 2, 1950. The Indian man quickly answered “Eggs”.

The boy walked away disappointed in himself at not asking a better question, but it was time to go. The boy vowed to return, and he did, 10 years later. In the meantime, the boy had become fascinated with Native American culture, even learning a little of the language. So upon meeting the man for the second time the boy greeted the man with a traditional greeting in his language – “How” (remember, it was 1970).

“Scrambled” said the Indian.

Did you hear about the New Yorker who killed the vampire from New Jersey? – He used a New York steak to do it.

How did the buffalo pass his examinations?
– He just winged it.

Which building in New York has the most number of stories?
– The public library.

Why did the southerner visit Korea?
– Because he wanted to eat Seoul food.

What did the Atlantan rap duo who did hip hop covers of Queen songs call themselves?
– Bohemian Rap City.

How many country singers does it take to change a light bulb?
– One to change it and one to sing about how much they miss the old one.

A geologist was driving down a country road
– A geologist was driving down a country road when he saw this beautiful rock formation. He pulled over to get a closer look. As he was admiring the rock, an old farmer drove up. The geologist asked if he knew how long the rock had been here.

The farmer says “in fact, I do! It’s a million and 7 years old”

The geologist stunned a bit says “that’s oddly specific, how do you know that?”

The farmer goes “well, another feller like you came to look at this same rock and he said it was a million years old. And that was about 7 years ago”

A Chinese man came to India
– He took a taxi at the airport.

On his way by seeing a bus he told the taxi driver that in India buses run very slow. In China buses run very fast.

After sometime, he came near a railway bridge and saw a train passing over the bridge. Then the Chinese guy told the driver that the trains also run very slow here. In China trains run very fast.

Throughout the journey he complained to the driver disparaging India.

However, the taxi driver kept mum throughout the journey.

When the Chinese man reached his destination, he asked the driver what is the meter reading and taxi fare thereon.

The driver replied it is Rs.5,000/-

The Chinese guy was shell shocked after hearing the taxi fare. He shouted:
“Are you kidding..? in your country buses run slow, trains run slow, everything is slow. How come the meter alone runs fast..?”

To this the driver replied calmly.

*“SIR, THE METER IS MADE IN CHINA..!”*

A Soviet officer and an American officer are talking over coffee at the end of World War II to celebrate their collaboration in the defeat of the Nazis.
– They start to banter and brag with each other.

The American says to the Soviet, “you know, in my country we have total freedom, I could stand in front of the White House and shout “I hate America!” and nothing would happen to me.”

The Soviet officer looks at him and replies, “yes, in the Soviet Union we also have such freedom, I too could stand in front of the Kremlin and shout “I hate America!” and nothing would happen to me either…”

What do a beach and an American beer have in common?
– They’re both close to water!

A man heard about a young adult novel where Schrodinger’s Cat and Pavlov’s – Dog team up for a cross-country adventure.
He goes down to the library to see if they have a copy for his daughter.

The librarian says it rings a bell but she wasn’t sure if it was there or not

What did the Minnesota Timberwolves fan do after his team won the NBA Championship?
– He turned off his Playstation.

Why did the hipster become a fan of Field Hockey?
– Because it was Ice Hockey before it got cool!