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Tuesday jokes in 2022

Why is Sunday stronger than Tuesday?
– Because Tuesday is a weekday.

What’s E.T. short for?
– Because he’s got little legs.

Why can’t the kids take a ferry to school on Tuesday?
– Because they have tuesday(to-use-da) roadway to reach the school.

Why did taco cry on a Tuesday when it was supposed to be happy because it was Taco Tuesday?
– Because a nacho said to it, “I am nacho friend anymore”.

Death
– Told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for next Tuesday.

What is the opposite of a croissant?
– A happy uncle.

What did dad say when mom asked him to get groceries alone?
– He said, “It’s Twosday, you’ve got to come along with me.”

SNL does great parodies of presidential debates.
– For some reason this one is airing on a Tuesday though

When you die, what part of the body dies last?
– The pupils…they dilate.

What sounds better than a ‘happy Monday’?
– A very ‘happy Tuesday’ indeed.

Why is a Tuesday morning not bad?
– Because it a sign that one has survived through the previous Monday morning!

Why are Asian women so excited about Tuesday?
– It’s Erection Day.

A bear walks into a restaurant.
He tells his waiter, “I want a grilled…cheese.” The waiter says, “What’s with the pause?” “Whaddya mean?” the bear replies. “I’m a bear!”

Why shouldn’t you eat a kids meal on Tuesdays?
– You shouldn’t eat a kid’s meal on any day because their mother will get angry with you!

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to – a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
– Pilgrims.

Why didn’t the eggs go to school after Tuesday?
– They were all eggs-hausted and were afraid of the following day – the Humpty day!

From the year that brought you 8 months of March
– Welcome to Tuesday Part 4.

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