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Tuesday jokes in 2023

Why can’t the kids take a ferry to school on Tuesday?
– Because they have tuesday(to-use-da) roadway to reach the school.

Why is Sunday stronger than Tuesday?
– Because Tuesday is a weekday.

What’s E.T. short for?
– Because he’s got little legs.

What is the worst day for a loaf of bread?
– It is a Toast Day!

At San Francisco’s airport last Tuesday, customs officials confiscated 20 giant centipedes.
They said, “There’s just not enough leg room in the airplane”.

I’m thinking of a career where I estimate crowd sizes at different outdoor events.
I wonder how many people are in that field.

How do tacos share stories about their scary experiences up until Tuesday?
…and then came the savior, Tuesday!

What did the executioner say on a Tuesday morning?
– It’s time to beheaded to work.

why was the computer late to work?
– because it had a hard drive! (stole it from ellen, from her classic joke tuesday)

Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.

How do you keep the dreams alive on Tuesdays?
– By hitting the snooze button.

“Weird Al” Yankovic on Tuesday rejected fans’ requests for a “My Corona” parody about the deadly coronavirus.
– That would have gone viral.

Though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.

What is the best Tuesday motivation?
– Thinking that there is a taco, out there in the universe thinking of you too!

I checked my bank account and I found out that I have enough money to spend for the rest of my life.
– Rent? Food? Bills. My account got them covered for the rest of my life. As long as I die on Tuesday.

What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills?
– Bernadette.

What do you do when Tuesday is standing outside your bathroom door?
– You let it sink in.

Why didn’t the teacher read Tuesday morning news?
– Because she didn’t want additional Tuesday mournings.

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