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Tuesday jokes in 2024

Why can’t the kids take a ferry to school on Tuesday?
– Because they have tuesday(to-use-da) roadway to reach the school.

Why is Sunday stronger than Tuesday?
– Because Tuesday is a weekday.

What’s E.T. short for?
– Because he’s got little legs.

why was the computer late to work?
– because it had a hard drive! (stole it from ellen, from her classic joke tuesday)

How do you keep the dreams alive on Tuesdays?
– By hitting the snooze button.

“Weird Al” Yankovic on Tuesday rejected fans’ requests for a “My Corona” parody about the deadly coronavirus.
– That would have gone viral.

Though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.

What is the best Tuesday motivation?
– Thinking that there is a taco, out there in the universe thinking of you too!

I checked my bank account and I found out that I have enough money to spend for the rest of my life.
– Rent? Food? Bills. My account got them covered for the rest of my life. As long as I die on Tuesday.

What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills?
– Bernadette.

What do you do when Tuesday is standing outside your bathroom door?
– You let it sink in.

Why didn’t the teacher read Tuesday morning news?
– Because she didn’t want additional Tuesday mournings.

So its pancake Tuesday today
– That surely crepe’d up on us

Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. One shouts to the other, “I need you to help me get to the other side!” The other guy replies, “You’re on the other side!”

How can people like Tuesday?
– By thinking that it is the farthest from the coming Monday.

Bought a toilet brush on Tuesday.
– Decide to go back to paper today.

I have a joke about time travel, but I’m not gonna share it. You guys didn’t like it.

What does Taco Tuesday say to Dunkin Donuts?
– I have fillings too.

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