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Library jokes 📚 in 2023

The Library
This is one of my favorite jokes that NOBODY ever thinks is funny. It is funnier when spoken, but since I have no friends, Reddit will have to do.
Here it goes:
A guy walks into a library. He strolls up to the counter and looks at the librarian dead in the eyes and screams “MA’AM I’LL HAVE A CHEESEBURGER A LARGE FRY AND A LARGE MILKSHAKE PLEASE!!!”
The librarian shushes him and sternly says in a whisper, “Sir! This is a library!”
The man immediately apologizes and whispers,
“So sorry, I’ll have a cheeseburger a large fry and a large milkshake please”

What do people who cannot part with their library books say?
– For you my love is overdue.

Which book in the library wants everyone to leave it alone?
– A withdrawn book.

What are you supposed to do if your pet starts to eat your book?
– Take words out of his mouth right away.

Why is it impossible to get a reservation in the library?
– Because they are always fully booked.

How do they always keep a library project top-secret?
– Keep it all very hush-hush.

What book do most librarians take home to read to their cats?
– ‘The Prince and the Paw-purr.’

At the library, I found a book called “How to enter a movie theatre without paying”.
The librarian then approached me and told me that the author recently made a second book.
“What was it called?” I asked.
“My 2 years in prison”

My mother told me not to yell in the library.
– It was sound advice.

What do you call a kebab made by a librarian?
– A Shhhhhish-kebab.

What is the tallest building in the world?
– The library, because it has the most stories.

What did the cops say when the librarian died after a book fell on top of her head?
– She had her shelf to blame.

A man heard about a young adult novel where Schrodinger’s Cat and Pavlov’s Dog team up for a cross-country adventure.
He goes down to the library to see if they have a copy for his daughter.
The librarian says it rings a bell but she wasn’t sure if it was there or not.

Why is Walden considered to be a great book?
– Because of the Thoreau editing.

A woman walks into a library and asks if they had any books about paranoia.
– The librarian says, “They’re right behind you!”

Where do libraries keep books about the sasquatch?
– In the large-print section.

A chicken walks into a library, goes up to the desk and says “buk”.
So the librarian gives the chicken a book. The chicken walks outside with the book and comes back 5 minutes later without the book.

“Buk, buk” says the chicken again, so the librarian gives it another book, it walks outside and returns with no book.

“Buk, buk” it says, and the same thing repeats a few more times.

Eventually the librarian decides to investigate what the chicken is doing with all the books, so they follow the chicken outside.

The chicken walks up to the edge of a pond, and tosses the book to a frog sitting on a lilly pad, surrounded by all the other books the librarian gave the chicken.

“Buk, buk.” Says the chicken.

The frog responds, “reddit, reddit.”

Friends, just a reminder to those who received a book from me at Christmas…
– They are due back in the library on the 29th.

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