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Library jokes 📚 in 2024

Why did the local library ban drinks for people who read there?
– Because a person poured some milk on the serials.

A village idiot walks into a library
He goes to the librarian and says, “Ma’am, I’m looking for a book by Shakespeare.”
The librarian says, “Sure, hon. Which one?”
The idiot says, “William”.

Why did the book of incantations fail to work?
– They forgot to run a spell check on it.

A university student placed an inter-library loan request for Your Mom
– The file was too large to be delivered.

I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov’s Dog and Schrodinger’s Cat
– She said it rang a bell but wasn’t sure if it was there or not.

Why does Dracula frequent the library?
– He likes to sink his teeth into good books.

Library patron: Can I get the book on Kyrsten Sinema’s re-election?
Librarian: Is this a joke?
Library Patron: Yeah, that’s the one.

How do librarians show affection to the love of their lives?
– They say ISBN thinking about you all day.

Presidential Library
– The plans have been revealed for Trump’s Presidential library. It will only have picture books.

A blonde woman walks into a library and says to the lady at the front desk,” I’ll have a cheeseburger, a large fries, and a Pepsi.”
The lady replies, “Ma’am, this is a library.”
The blonde looks around, then whispers, “I’ll have a cheeseburger, a large fries, and a Pepsi.”

Did you hear you can’t make reservations at the library?
– They’re fully booked!

Why did the lady find out about the library in her area only after ages of living there?
– They were too quiet about it.

What did the reader say to his beloved library book?
– “May I take you out?”

What did the librarian feel about the book about anti-gravity?
– It was hard to put it down.

Library rules regarding personal hygiene are a matter of lore and odor.

A man walks into a library. “Where are your books on BDSM?”
– The librarian does not look up from her reference book. “I’m sorry sir, they are still being bound.”

Why did the librarian fail to finish reading mystery books?
– He read between the lines.

So a chicken walks into a library and says , “bock”. Sounding like “book” the librarian hands him a book. He takes it and goes happily on his way. Then the next day…
The chicken says “bock bock”, and the librarian hands him two books. Away he went. The third day, chicken says “bock bock bock”, and the librarian hands him three books. And so on until the fifth day, when the chicken says “bock bock bock bock bock”, the librarian hands him five books and follows him to see what he’s doing with all these books.
There is a frog sitting across the way that the chicken takes the books to. The librarian, confused but curious, continues to follow the chicken. The chicken approaches the frog, says “bock bock bock bock bock”, places the five books into the frogs hands. The frog responds by tossing each book aside one by one, “reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit”!
EDIT: now I know what it feels like to have an inbox that’s bursting at the seams…

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