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Accounting Jokes 📒 in 2024

Why did the cannibal accountant get disciplined?
– For buttering up her clients.

It’s
– accrual world.

Welcome to the accounting department,
-where everybody counts.

How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
– Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold a road map the wrong way.

Why do accountants get excited at the weekends?
-Because they can wear casual clothes to work.

What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?
– It’s 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait – 13 seconds, no wait – 14 seconds, no wait……

Why don’t old accountants die?
-They just lose their balance!

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?
– Depreciation.

What is the definition of a good tax accountant?
-Someone who has a loophole named after him.

What’s grey has 6 legs, 2 arms and is twenty feet tall?
– An accountant riding an elephant.

Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical?
-They have strong internal controls.

Did you hear about the cannibal CPA?
– She charges an arm and a leg.

Why did the auditor get run over crossing the road?
– Auditors never actually do the risk assessment well until after the accident happens.

Why did the auditor cross the road?
– Because he looked in the file and that’s what they did last year.

Why was the accountant so excited that he completed a jigsaw puzzle in only 59 weeks?
-Because on the box it said 8-12 Years.

What’s an actuary?
– An accountant without the sense of humour.

What did the accountant say when he got a blank check?
-My deductions have at last caught up with the salary.

A woman went to the doctor who told her she only had 6 months to live.
-“Oh my God!” said the woman. “What shall I do?”
“Marry an accountant,” suggested the doctor.
“Why?” asked the woman. “Will that make me live longer?”
“No,” replied the doctor. “But it will SEEM longer.”

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