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Medical Jokes ๐Ÿ’‰ in 2021

When is a fetus viable?
To a Christian, it’s the moment of conception. To a Jew, it’s when he graduates from medical school.
-my mom heard this on the radio

Medicine for COVID-19
-Can’t find this on the package, should I take one toilet paper roll before or after a meal?

Why aren’t sweatshop workers hired as medical staff?
-If I’m getting stitches I want to know they’re as good as the ones in my jeans.

Doctor: Iโ€™ve got very bad news โ€“ youโ€™ve got cancer and Alzheimerโ€™s.
– Patient: Well, at least I donโ€™t have cancer.

Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet?
-Because she didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.

I just bought a haunted boomerang from an old medicine man in the outback.
-Thatโ€™ll come back to haunt me.

I went to medical school with an incredibly ambitious guy who was obsessed with collecting skulls.
-He’d do anything to get a head

Tele-Medicine
-With all the Covid around my doctor said we should do the routine checkups by tele-medicine. He had me get a thermometer and supplies from the pharmacy. I have my phone ready. I see that today I am scheduled for a prostate exam.

How do pharmaceutical companies evaluate the effectiveness of a laxative?
-By measuring its defficacy

I have a joke about the exceptional healthcare and medicine Trump took to recover from COVID.
-But, no one else would get it.

Whomever said laughter is the best medicine..
– clearly hasn’t tried curing diarrhea with a tickle fight.

What does a medical equation have in common with an onion?
-They both make you cry

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