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Bike jokes 🚲 in 2023

I need a new bicycle chain.
– Can anyone give me any links?

“Four cheeseburgers and four large French Fries” is for you.

You can tell your other half, with a straight face that it’s too hot to mow the lawn and then bike off for a century.

What’s green and has wheels?
– Grass, duh!

Where do bicycles go when they get old and rusty?
– They become unicycles.

What did the child biker get on their IQ test?
– A wheel chair.

What is a noodle’s favorite bicycle race?
– The Tour de Lini

Why did the kid fall off his bicycle?
– Because someone threw a fridge at him.

I for one can’t wait to grow old and saggy
– Then, maybe then, I can finally ride my bicycle without crushing my balls!

How do you know when a bike mechanic is in a good mood?
– He’s whistling at least one tune!

Bike Lanes in Austin: the great equalizer

Your wife tells you the only way she’ll let you ride across the country is over her dead body and you tell her, “If that’s the case, you’ll be my first speed bump!”

You view crashes as an opportunity to upgrade components.

For his birthday, little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $1,80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.”

The next day the father saw little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, “Son, where are you going?”

Little Johnny told him, “I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be damned if I’m staying here by myself with an $1,80,000 mortgage.

A bank manager friend has given up riding his bike. He has lost his balance.

Why do bananas make great bicyclists?
– They have a good span.

You know what they say about two wheels in the workplace!

When I was just a little kid, I used to pray for a bicycle. Then as I grew older I learned in Sunday school, that’s not how prayer works.
So I stole a bike…and prayed for forgiveness.

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