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Bike jokes 🚲 in 2025

I need a new bicycle chain.
– Can anyone give me any links?

A guy parks his bicycle outside the US capitol…
security comes to him and says “you can’t park your bike here. Don’t you know that Congressmen, Senators, Speaker, Vice President, foreign dignitaries, and the President come here often?”
– the guy says “oh don’t worry, I’ve chained my bike!”

Guy crosses the border on a bicycle with two bags over his shoulder
The guard stops him and asks:
“What’s in the bags?”
“Nothing but sand sir”
So he examines the bags and indeed nothing but sand.
“Ok you’re clear move on”
Two weeks later, same thing.
So this guy goes on for months, every two weeks same bags, same sand and they find nothing and it drives them nuts.
So finally one day one of the guards can’t take it anymore and follows the guy. So he sees him sitting at a cafe with his two bags of sand. He steps up to him and says:
“Listen buddy you got us crazy down at the office. Please tell me what you’re smuggling, I know it must be something. I swear I won’t tell!”
So the guy takes a sip from his drink, lifts his head up and looks at him and says: ” bicycles.”

You wear your bike shorts swimming.

There is no time like the present, for postponing what you ought to be doing, and go bicycling instead…

My dog kept chasing people on bicycles
– So I took his bike away

How do you get your bike across town very quickly?
– Run it through traffic lights on the green!

Do you know that biking is a contact sport?

I took my bicycle to the bottle shop the other day…
I got a bottle of vodka and put it in the bike’s basket. As I was about to leave I thought to myself that if I fell the bottle would break. So I drank all the vodka and then headed home. It turned out to be a really good decision because I fell eleven times on my way home.

A naked man was arrested after stealing a bicycle and riding away on it.
Police impounded the bicycle, but worry that the evidence is tainted.

What’s the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns?
One’s motto is ‘Be Prepared’, the other’s is ‘Beep Repaired’

EDIT:I reached r/all, I promised a friend of mine that I would stop calling his mom hot if I reached all.

He sends his regards..

There’s a vampire bike around here that keeps biting people. It’s a vicious cycle

Why did the bike fall off its stand?
– It was too tired to hold up.

How do cyclists stay safe?
– By wearing bells and flashing lights.

“Four cheeseburgers and four large French Fries” is for you.

You can tell your other half, with a straight face that it’s too hot to mow the lawn and then bike off for a century.

What’s green and has wheels?
– Grass, duh!

Where do bicycles go when they get old and rusty?
– They become unicycles.

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