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Sleep jokes 💤🛌 in 2022

Scientists have shown that an uncontrollable urge to start singing the Tokens hit single “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is always just a whim away.
– A whim away a whim away…

What do you call a sleepy truck?
– Tired.

What would you call a skeleton that’s very tired?
– A Grim Sleeper.

Do you know what kind of dreams hotels have?
– Suite dreams.

Why should professional rock-climbers take a course in mattress making?
– So that they have something to fall back on.

How will you prove that you are not a light sleeper?
– Go sleep in the dark.

Where do fish sleep?
– In the riverbed

Why did the pharmacist tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
– Because he didn’t want to wake up the sleeping pills!

What do you call a horse who has insomnia and keeps you awake?
– A nightmare.

Which dinosaur makes the most noise while he is sleeping?
– A Tyrannosnorus.

Why do keyboards never sleep?
– Because they have two shifts.

Fred goes to a doctor.
He says, “Doc, I want to be castrated. ”
Doc says, “Look, I don’t know what kind of cult you’re into or what your motives are, but I’m not going to do that sort of operation. ”
Fred: “Doc, I just want to be castrated, and I’m a littlee mbarrassed about talking about it, but I have $5,000 cash right here. Will you do it? ”
Doc says, “Well, OK, I guess I could make this one exception. I don’t understand it, but OK. ”
He puts Fred to sleep, does the trick, and is waiting at the bedside when Fred wakes up.
“Well, Doc, how’d it go? ” Fred asks.
“It went fine, just fine. It’s really not too difficult of an operation. As a matter of fact, $5,000 is a lot to pay for such a simple task, and I felt a little guilty about taking that much. So, while I was operating, I also noticed that you had never been circumcised, so I went ahead and did that, too. I think, it’s really better for a man to be circumcised, and I hope you don’t mind my… ”

“CIRCUMCISED! ” yells Fred. “THAT’S the word!!! “

What do you call a conference with tired delegates?
– A snooze fest.

What would you do if a dinosaur fell asleep on your bed?
– You go sleep somewhere else!

What is Aaron Hernandez’s favorite bit of a bedsheet?
– The tight end.

What do sheep count when they can’t sleep?
– People.

15 sleeps til Christmas…
– 4 if you do meth.

Woman at bar
– A man walks up to an attractive woman sitting at the bar and strikes up a conversation. After a while chatting he asks the woman if she would consider sleeping with him for a million dollars. The woman without missing a beat says absolutely. The man then asks if she would sleep with him for a hundred dollars. The woman is totally offended and slaps the man saying what do you think I am? The man replies we have already established what you are I am just negotiating the price!

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