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Marriage jokes ๐Ÿคต๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ‘ฐ in 2021

I need to start paying closer attention to stuff.
Found out today my wife and I have separate names for the cat.

My speech today will be like a mini-skirt.
Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!

So where do I start with (Groomโ€™s name) ? Well for starters heโ€™sโ€ฆHandsome, Witty, Intelligent, Heโ€™s Charโ€ฆ Charmโ€ฆ. Sorryโ€ฆ.(Groomโ€™s name) โ€ฆ. Iโ€™m having trouble reading your handwriting, you can tell me the rest later.

I always wanted to marry an Archeologist. The older I would get, the more interested she would become!

What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up?
– Someday my prints will come!

A retired husband is often a wifeโ€™s full-time job.

Well, I do hope that the bride and groom enjoy their honeymoon. I assume thatโ€™s where theyโ€™re going anyway. When I asked the groom what he was doing after the wedding he said he was going to Bangor for two weeksโ€ฆ

Donโ€™t worry, my speech wonโ€™t take too long today,
– because of my throat. The bride has threatened to cut it if I go on for too long.
And the groom has threatened to cut it if I mention anything about the party weekend in Vegas.

Did you hear about the two cellphones that got married?
– I heard the reception was perfect.

โ€œThe secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.โ€

The groom is a very talented man. Very talented indeed โ€ฆ Heโ€™s a gifted inventor, a shrewd businessman, a deep thinker and a noted connoisseur of the arts. Heโ€™s so talented he can fake all of that.

I tried comforting the jilted bride by reminding her, โ€œAt least the wedding went off without a hitch.โ€

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