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Marriage jokes ๐Ÿคต๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ‘ฐ in 2023

There are three rings in marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and most importantly the catering.

Iโ€™d now like to focus on the groom for a moment.
Enjoy it, mate. After today, this is the last time youโ€™ll ever be the center of attention.

Ladies and Gentlemen: you are all about to witness a unique event in history.
The very first and very last time that my wife is going to let me speak on behalf of both of us.

Did you hear about the two bed bugs that were lovers?
– They got married in the spring.

Iโ€™m pleased to announce that [Bride] and [Groom] are expectingโ€ฆ[pause] โ€ฆ you all to have a good time tonight!

Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
– Theyโ€™re hard to get started, emit foul odors and donโ€™t work half the time!

The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.

Mark has always been a bit of a hypochondriac but I think he learned his lesson during exam time when he took a sleeping tablet and a laxative in the same night.
That was a messy one!

As Aristotle said, โ€œLove is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.โ€
But marriage is more like your wife inhabiting both bodies.

There was a man who said, โ€œI never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late.โ€

Being asked to be someoneโ€™s best man is like being called up for jury duty.

My husband cooks for me like Iโ€™m a godโ€”by placing burnt offerings before me every night.

Get a new car for your spouse
โ€“ itโ€™ll be a great trade!

For those of you on the brideโ€™s side who are just getting to know (Groomโ€™s name); here is some advice.
Never let him date a member of your family.

I walked up the aisle and said โ€˜I doโ€™. And Iโ€™ve been doing it ever since.

Husband: โ€œWhy do you keep reading our marriage license?โ€
– Wife: โ€œIโ€™m looking for an expiration date.โ€

Top 3 situations that require witnesses: 1) Crimes 2) Accidents 3) Marriages.
Need I say more

Now I have a few cards to read out from those who couldnโ€™t make it today:

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