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Work jokes in 2024

The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. Restaurant In Peace.

Hard work never killed anyone
– but better not risk it!

People used to laugh at me when I would say I want to be a comedian.
– Well, nobody’s laughing now.

What’s a resumé?
– Just a list of things I hope nobody ever asks me to do.

My boss told me to have a great day so I left and went to the movies.

You don’t believe books save lives?
– Dinosaurs didn’t read and now they are extinct.

Hey Boss, what’s the flower business when it’s going really well?
– Blooming.

Just so you know, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password.
– It’s not stroganoff.

Hey Europe, you look like you’ve lost some POUNDS.

Tomorrow is a big day for me at work.
– They are refilling the snack vending machine.

I’m in shape…if round is a shape

Hey Boss, what’s the best way to make a small fortune in the stock market?
– Start off with a big fortune.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
– I’ll let you know which comes first.

I accused my husband of being too immature.
– He told me to get out of his fort.

What do you call a monkey that stepped on a minefield?
– A ba-boom.

Can February March?
– No, but April May.

I have a stepladder
– because my real ladder left when I was a kid.

I tried starting a hot air balloon business.
– But it never took off.

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