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Work jokes in 2023

The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. Restaurant In Peace.

Boss, there are 10 types of employees:
– Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

What has two butts and kills people?
– An assassin.

Don’t be irreplaceable.
– If you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted.

How many sailors are Pirates?
– 3.14%.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
– Pilgrims.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

What do you call a joke that isn’t funny?
– A sentence.

Chaos, panic and disorder.
– My work here is done.

What’s the best work politics?
– Anti-work but pro-paycheck.

Why is ice so edgy?
– Because it was water before it was cool.

Why do retirees count pennies?
– They are the only ones that have time.

Sorry I’m late! Traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past five years and I was not expecting that.

What do you call a fake noodle?
– An impasta!

Today, my son asked Can I have a bookmark?
– and I burst into tears. He’s 11-years-old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.

What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?
– There isn’t enough time to get everything done.

They always say you need to fight fire with fire.
– That’s why I got fired from my job as a firefighter.

Why are Ladas so bad?
– Because they keep Stalin.

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