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Forehead jokes in 2022

A Burglar broke into our house last night. I didn’t shoot him. I just put the red laser dot on his forehead.
– Our three cats did the rest.

There were 3 brothers: Little Snowflake, Little Leaf, and Little Brick…
So one day Little Snowflake goes up to his mum and asks her:
– Why am I called like this?
– Because when you were born, a Snowflake fell on your forehead
So Lil’ Snowie all excited goes up to his brothers and tells them that they should ask what about their names, so Little Leaf goes up to his dad and asks him:
– Why am I called like this?
– Because when you were born a leaf from a tree fell on your forehead
So it’s Lil’ Brickie’s turn and he goes up to his dad and asks him:
– Did you know that vaccines have microchips in them so the government can control us?

When I was 10, I fell down during recess at school
When I got up, I noticed Ihad a rock embedded in my knee and my friend was pointing & laughing at me. So I dug the rock out and whipped it at him- hitting him right in the forehead.

That was the only time I ever passed a kid knee stone.

A young Irish girl goes to confession…
…and says, “Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

The priest replies, “Go ahead, my child.”

“Well”, she says, “Last night I made love to me boyfriend… FIVE TIMES! And it was GLORIOUS, Father. He made me tingle all over, and I swear it was as though I was seein’ the stars in my passion. And, I think I may have wailed like a banshee. More than once. And me legs was all wibbly wobbly, even the next mornin’. But, I know that makin’ love to me boyfriend before marriage is a sin, and I’ve come seekin’ absolution.

The priest sits back, rubs his forehead, and looks at the young lass and says, “Right. What I need for you to do is go down to Mr. O’Malley’s market and get four good sized lemons. Go home, cut them in half, and squeeze the juice into a nice tall glass and drink in down straight away.”

The girl looks at the priest with a confused look and asks, “ Will that absolve me of me sin, Father?”

“NO, but it’ll wipe the smile off yer face!”

At least you’ll never go broke…
– You can always rent out parking spots on your forehead.

I just got punched by my friend for trying to kiss his new baby on the forehead.
– Apparently, I have to wait for the baby to be born first.

Two witches were arguing about who was the better witch
One rainy day inside the coven HQ, Meredith and Wendy were arguing about who was the better witch.

“I’m the superior spellcaster”, boasted Meredith. She raised her wand into the air, and conjured up a small cloud. It snowed over Wendy’s head, dropping hailstones the size of marbles.

“Oh yeah?” Retorted Wendy as she shook out her hat and sauntered to the window. With a flick of her wrist, she pointed her wand outside.

“Tsk, is that all you got?” Meredith smirked.

But a moment later the storm clouds cleared away, and the sun was shining. With an extra wave, a rainbow appeared.

When Meredith was about to concede, she was interrupted-

“You two have NOTHING on me!”

Both witches sighed. *Karen*.

“Watch THIS!”

Karen began to twirl around the room, waving her wand wildly in the air. After five minutes, she stood dramatically still before tapping the wand on her forehead.

“Is that all-”

The two other witches winced as a flash of light filled the room. A moment later, Karen was gone.

“Where did she go?” Wendy said, looking around the room.

“Why question a good thing?”

But it was then that Wendy noticed a gold coin on the ground. Picking it up, she flipped it over in her hands. “Meredith you might want to see this…”

On the tails side was an inscription reading “World’s Best Witch”. On the other was a smug portrait of Karen.

The two stares at it for a minute before Meredith spoke up.

“Weird hex, but okay.”

Apparently, it is rude to poke somebody in the forehead
– and say “skip intro” when they start talking to you ….

My friend was putting lipstick on her forehead
– She said she was trying to make-up her mind

Jimmy goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.”

The doctor asks, “What do you mean?”
Jimmy says, “When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. When I touch my knee it hurts! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.”

Jimmy was diagnosed with a broken index finger later that day.

A child walks up to their parents and asks
A child walks up to their parents and asks “hey, mom and dad. Why did you name me Petal?”

The parents smile and reply, “When we got you home, a petal from a flower in the garden fell on your forehead”. The child satisfied with the answer walked away.

The younger sibling came up and asked the same question.

“Darling, we named you Droplet because when you got you out of a hospital, a rain drop fell on you head. Hence, Droplet”, the parents replied.

“Gharwaalalalaajahaha!!!!” said the youngest child.
“Oh shut up Refrigerator, don’t be mean!” the father yelled

You look like someone drew a face on a balloon and then squeezed the bottom.

Three blondes
Three blondes are driving down the street in a little car and get in an accident in which they all die. They awake to find themselves at the gates of Heaven, with Saint Peter smiling sweetly. He welcomes them and announces “ladies, before me I have the book of life. In it, i can see you’ve done some good things and some bad. I’m willing to let you in if you can answer me one question. Why do we celebrate easter?”.

The girls think about it for a bit and then the first blonde steps up and says, “Easter is when we get dressed up in scary outfits and knock on everyones doors and get candy.”

Saint Peter shakes his head, and announces “I’m sorry, but that’s wrong.”, taps her on the forehead and she disappears, banished to purgatory for eternity.

The second blonde steps up and says “Well, that’s we all get together to sing carols and exchange presents and decorate the tree.”

Again, Saint Peter shakes his head, steps forward and taps her on the forehead and she vanishes to purgatory.

The last blonde steps forward and says “well, easter just so happens to occur near the time of the jewish passover, but originially, it was the celebration of when the Roman soldiers crucified Jesus. They then took his body and placed it in a giant cave behind a huge boulder.”

Saint Peter smiles and says “That’s perfect!”

The blonde looks upset as she continues on despite his interruption “And every Easter, they move the rock and let him out, and if Jesus sees his shadow, there will be another six weeks of winter!”

A poor cowboy needs a horse.
He buys the only horse he could afford, one that has its commands messed up.

“He’ll go when you say ‘whoa!’ and stop when you say ‘giddy up!'” instructs the seller.

The cowboy sets off riding the horse, feeling silly for saying ‘whoa’. As he rides further, he sees an upcoming cliff. He commands the horse to stop by saying ‘whoa’ but the horse only picks up speed.

Panicking, the cowboy scream “WHOA!” but the horse only goes into a full gallop. Then the cowboy remembers and tries saying “giddy up!”

The horse comes to a complete stop mere inches from the edge of the cliff.

The cowboy brushes the sweat from his forehead ans says “Whoa that was close.”

The horse, possessing survival instincts, knew better than to run off a cliff and the cowboy did not face any repercussions for his poor choice of words.

A man with a frog growing on his forehead visits the doctor.
A man with a frog growing out of his forehead visits the doctor. Doctor stares at him. “My God. I’ve never seen anything like it. How did that start?”
The frog replies: “Well actually it just started with a small boil in my ass”.

Patient: “Doc, it hurts when I touch here (taps forehead), here (taps nose), here (taps chin), pretty much everywhere.”
Doctor: “You have a broken finger.”

Yo mama so fat,
– When she stubs her toe, her forehead ripples.

Don’t worry, the forehead jokes are receding just like your hairline.

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