Most Popular Categories

All Categories

Rodney Dangerfield Jokes in 2023

“My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.”

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I went to see my doctor… Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah…I told him once, “Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me? He said, “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.”

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

My doctor told me he’ll have me on my feet in two weeks. He was right. I got his bill; I had to sell my car.

A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over. There’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home!

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!

My wife’s such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.

I tell ya, when I was a kid I got no respect. My parents got divorced. They had a custody fight over me. No one showed up.

“My uncle’s dying wish: He wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.”

One year they wanted to make me poster boy… for birth control.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown necktie.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

I asked my wife last night, “Were you faking it?” She said, “No, I was really sleeping.”

Follow us on Facebook