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Rodney Dangerfield Jokes in 2022

“My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.”

I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in a library. I woke up and a blind man was reading my face.

What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm!

I tell ya, when I was a kid I had it rough. Once on my birthday, my old man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.

“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”

My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

I went to see my doctor. “Doctor, every morning I get up, look in the mirror and feel like throwing up; what’s wrong with me?” He said “I don’t know But your eyesight is perfect.”

When I was a kid, we were poor. We used to sleep six in one bed. I didn’t know what it was like to sleep alone until I got married.

It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass!

I tell you, I’m not a sexy guy. I was the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. The staples covered everything!

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

“I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, “Doc, I keep thinking I’m a dog.” He told me to get off his couch.

What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn’t help me at all.

“My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.”

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

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