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Rodney Dangerfield Jokes in 2022

I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west!

I knew a girl so ugly, the last time I saw a mouth like hers it had a hook on the end of it.

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, “I’m very sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through.”

I tell ya, when I was a kid I got no respect. My parents got divorced. They had a custody fight over me. No one showed up.

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me.

And we were poor too. Why, if I wasn’t born a boy, I’d have nothing to play with!

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

“Boy what a hotel that was. Why, they stole my towel!”

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, “On your mark…”

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.

Last night he went on the paper four times – three of those times I was reading it.

“I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.”

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