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Welding jokes 👨‍🏭 in 2023

When a you have a small baby, how do you tell if they will grow up to be a welder or a welder’s helper?
– Put them in a chair, if they fall asleep they’ll be a helper, if they cry and whine they’ll be a welder.

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.
– One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage just for fun.
His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally spoke,
“Honey, I’ve just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it’s time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop.”
“You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection, golf clubs, and that stupid vintage Harley.”
Tom got a horrified look on his face.
“She said, “Darling, what’s wrong?”
He replied,
“There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife.”
“Ex-wife!” she screamed,
“YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!”
Tom replied:
“I wasn’t.”

You can always tell an old pipe welder.
– You just can’t tell him much.

How many welder jokes are there?
– None, they’re all facts.

Why were the welder and stoner such good friends?
– They both love to spark up joints.

How many welding enthusiasts does it take to change a light bulb?
– None, they just have a competition to see who can hold theirs the longest.

What do you call a welder that is so rich, he only eats caviar?
– Fillet.

How do you know you’re a welder?
– Your clothes occasionally catch on fire.

How are welders like prostitutes?
– You usually find them in awkward positions screaming for more rod and more money.

Why do welders wear ear plugs?
– So they don’t get told to “get back to work”.

Why does a welding shop have a deadbolt on the door?
– To keep the apprentices out.

What do welders do if they can’t decide?
– They do a tension test.

So i got 2 ‘O’ levels in Biology and metalwork…
So if your Dog needs welding I’m your man…

What do you call a welder who cannot read?
– Helpless.

Why do welders not like leaving work?
– Because it’s such a nice break from reality.

Why do welders wear earmuffs?
– To stop them from listening to stupid questions.

How do welders compliment each other?
– Weld done

What do you call a welder who never does their job?
– A ne’er-do-weld.

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