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Welding jokes 👨‍🏭 in 2025

When a you have a small baby, how do you tell if they will grow up to be a welder or a welder’s helper?
– Put them in a chair, if they fall asleep they’ll be a helper, if they cry and whine they’ll be a welder.

What do you call a welding that doesn’t work?
– A waste of metal.

How many welder jokes are there?
– None, they’re all facts.

Why were the welder and stoner such good friends?
– They both love to spark up joints.

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.
– One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage just for fun.
His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally spoke,
“Honey, I’ve just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it’s time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop.”
“You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection, golf clubs, and that stupid vintage Harley.”
Tom got a horrified look on his face.
“She said, “Darling, what’s wrong?”
He replied,
“There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife.”
“Ex-wife!” she screamed,
“YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!”
Tom replied:
“I wasn’t.”

You can always tell an old pipe welder.
– You just can’t tell him much.

What do you call a happy welder?
– An oxymoron.

Why did the welder take off his watch?
– He wanted to see how long it took to weld 5 inches.

Why is dating easy for welders?
– They always bond.

How do you tell a chemist from a welder?
– Ask them to pronounce the word “unionised”

Why do welders have a better chance of getting laid than accountants?
– Because they are more willing to take chances.

A man answered an ad that read, “Hiring welders $18-$24 per hour.”
When he arrived he was told he’d have to take a welding test.
He turned in 2 sets of welds. One was a great weld, the other was a mess.
When the boss asked him why he did this, he replied, “One is $18/hr, the other is $24/hr.”

Why did the apprentice bring cement to the campfire?
– He was told to harden the flame.

How does underwater welding work?
– It’s all about the current.

Why did the welder wear a helmet?
– Because he lost his head.

Why do welders make better lovers?
– They burn hotter, penetrate deeper and I’ve never seen a gap that a welder couldn’t fill.

What news does an underwater welder pay the most attention to?
– Current events.

What do welders use for birth control?
– Their personalities.

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