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Welding jokes 👨‍🏭 in 2024

When a you have a small baby, how do you tell if they will grow up to be a welder or a welder’s helper?
– Put them in a chair, if they fall asleep they’ll be a helper, if they cry and whine they’ll be a welder.

How many welder jokes are there?
– None, they’re all facts.

Why were the welder and stoner such good friends?
– They both love to spark up joints.

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.
– One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage just for fun.
His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally spoke,
“Honey, I’ve just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it’s time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop.”
“You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection, golf clubs, and that stupid vintage Harley.”
Tom got a horrified look on his face.
“She said, “Darling, what’s wrong?”
He replied,
“There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife.”
“Ex-wife!” she screamed,
“YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!”
Tom replied:
“I wasn’t.”

You can always tell an old pipe welder.
– You just can’t tell him much.

What do you call a welding that doesn’t work?
– A waste of metal.

What does a welder call his best friend?
– A spotter.

Why do welders laugh three times when you tell them a joke?
– Once when you tell it, once when you explain it to them, and once when they understand it.

What do you call a welder who never does their job?
– A ne’er-do-weld.

What do you call a lady welder?
– Well, you wouldn’t call her one.

What is the loudest noise you can hear in an arc welder?
– Silence.

Why shouldn’t you give welders timelines?
– They don’t work under pressure weld

Why did the welder put on a scuba tank?
– Someone’s got to fix this sub.

Why did the welder have his dog neutered?
– Because he didn’t want it chasing any other “hot” dogs.

How do iron workers order their steak?
– Weld done.

What does a welder call their grandmother?
– GMAW.

What did the welder with no arms and no hands say?
– He said “Are you going to finish me off?”

Why do people take an instant dislike to welders?
– To save time later.

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