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Welding jokes 👨‍🏭 in 2024

When a you have a small baby, how do you tell if they will grow up to be a welder or a welder’s helper?
– Put them in a chair, if they fall asleep they’ll be a helper, if they cry and whine they’ll be a welder.

What do you call a welding that doesn’t work?
– A waste of metal.

How many welder jokes are there?
– None, they’re all facts.

Why were the welder and stoner such good friends?
– They both love to spark up joints.

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.
– One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage just for fun.
His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally spoke,
“Honey, I’ve just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it’s time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop.”
“You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection, golf clubs, and that stupid vintage Harley.”
Tom got a horrified look on his face.
“She said, “Darling, what’s wrong?”
He replied,
“There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife.”
“Ex-wife!” she screamed,
Tom replied:
“I wasn’t.”

You can always tell an old pipe welder.
– You just can’t tell him much.

Why did the welder wear a helmet?
– Because he lost his head.

Why do welders make better lovers?
– They burn hotter, penetrate deeper and I’ve never seen a gap that a welder couldn’t fill.

What news does an underwater welder pay the most attention to?
– Current events.

What do welders use for birth control?
– Their personalities.

What does a welder say when there’s a leak?
– I guess it didn’t seal weld.

What do you call a porcupine with an acetylene torch?
– Spiny the welder.

What do you call a welder that is afraid of heights?
– A ground-ed welder.

Three welders walk out of a bar…
Hey, it could happen!

Why are welders good tennis players?
– They have an excellent forehand and backhand.

LPT: Instead of buying welding gloves, get oven mitts from your local store…
They are cheap and thin enough to remind you it’s still 2020.

Why do welders have big ears?
– So they can hear better.

How are welders like prostitutes?
– You usually find them in awkward places screaming for more rod and more money.

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