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Retirement jokes ๐Ÿ‘ด๐Ÿ‘ต in 2023

Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.

I hope you like Saturdays, because every day just became Saturday!

Now that you’re retired, you’ve got plenty of time to help me out with all the things I don’t have time to do!

Why are there so many old people in Church? They’re cramming for the final.

My brother and I were visiting our grandmother in the hospital. My brother says “grandma I can’t stand to see you like this…” My grandmother replies “well get the hell out then!”

โ€œIn retirement, I look for days off from my days off.โ€

Retirement is wonderful. Itโ€™s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.

Wait, you’re leaving? I thought we were just all really excited you were getting new tires on your car!

When you retire do you turn into the old version of Boss Baby? Will you be wearing a suit and tie while you nap on the couch?

Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.

I’ve learnt that saying “Oh, this old thing?”
– isn’t an appropriate way to introduce an elderly relative.

How can you tell that youโ€™re getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!

We all aspire to retire, and then what?

Who’s Retiring? Oh well, another excuse for cake.

How many retirees to change a light bulb?
– Only one, but it might take all day.

Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don’t recognize you.

โ€œYou have to put off being young until you can retire.โ€

We all aspire to retire, and then what?

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