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Retirement jokes ๐Ÿ‘ด๐Ÿ‘ต in 2024

Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.

I hope you like Saturdays, because every day just became Saturday!

Now that you’re retired, you’ve got plenty of time to help me out with all the things I don’t have time to do!

How many retirees to change a light bulb?
– Only one, but it might take all day.

Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don’t recognize you.

โ€œYou have to put off being young until you can retire.โ€

We all aspire to retire, and then what?

Happy Retirement. We’ll always have each other. Except you, you won’t have us because you won’t be in the office.

How do you know your old? People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”

To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid.

The company gave me an aptitude test and I found out the work I was best suited for was retirement.

Money isnโ€™t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.

Retirement sounds like fun, until you realized you’re too old, too broke, and too tired to leave the couch.

I’m sorry, I thought you were already retired since we never see you doing any work.

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

I have three kids, one of each.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me โ€“ they were cramming for their finals.

Youโ€™re retired โ€“ goodbye tension, hello pension!

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