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Tax jokes 💸 in 2025

What does an accountant say when getting on a train?
– “Mind the GAAP.”

What do actuaries do to liven up their parties?
– Invite an accountant.

How do accountants pick their friends?
– They stick with assets and drop liabilities.

Why did the IRS audit the church?
– For reporting false profits.

How do accountants manage their money?
– They act their wage.

Why would you invest in a gas station that loses money to save on taxes?
– Because it’s self-serving.

An IRS auditor is walking down the street when a mugger stops him.

“Give me your money!” the mugger says. “You can’t do that!” says the IRS auditor.

“Oh,” the mugger comments. “Well, in that case, give me MY money.”

Why are accountants so cool, calm and collected?
– They have strong internal controls.

Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical?
– They have strong internal controls.

What sort of taxes do marijuana dispensaries file?
– Joint returns.

What do you call an accountant with an opinion?
– An auditor.

Children may be a tax deductible, but they’re still taxing.

Knock knock
– “Who’s there?”
– IRS.
– “IRS who?”
– IRS You for tax fraud.

Why did the CPAs divorce?
– They couldn’t reconcile their differences.

What do the IRS, a mugger, and your kids have in common?
– They all take your money.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?
– The taxidermist takes only your skin.

What’s an accountant’s favorite type of cereal?
– Post!

What do accountants’ spouses say to fall asleep when they have insomnia?
– “Sweetie, tell me about your job.”

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