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Chess jokes ♟♞♜ in 2024

Chess is banned under Islam
– They hate that the queen moves freely.

The president of my chess club was arrested today.
– Apparently he had a chequered past.

For Me, Chess is a Lot Like Tinder
– I know a few openings, but continually struggle to put myself into mating positions

What is Michael Bay’s favorite move in chess?
– C4

Why is chess banned in islam?
– Cause the queen moves freely

Did you know chess has a randomizer?
The results are across the board.
(I’ll check myself out, mate)

Why do “nice guys” suck at Chess
– They never protect the king, always the queen

Two beginners:
“I improved my English, Spanish, French, Russian and Italian.”
“Then you must be a genius!”
“Why?”
“You can speak so many languages…”
“I am talking about chess openings and not languages.”

I married a European chess master.
– He’s my Czech mate.

Two prisoners are talking in a Soviet gulag…
One says: “We’re really cut off from the news here. For instance, I never found out the result of the Fischer-Spassky chess match.”
The other one replies: “Oh, I lost.”

Me and the knight in chess have a lot in common
– Every time we move it results on an L

Haven’t played chess in a year
– Did they nerf the queen yet?

I like playing chess with bald people in the park
– The problem is, it’s kinda hard to find 32 of them

I had dinner with a chess master
– IT TOOK HIM FOUR HOURS TO PASS THE FRICKING SALT

Why do British people love playing chess?
– Coz no-one can kill their Queen.

Why is it so confusing to play chess with an Australian?
– Because every “check” is a “check, mate!”

How do Australians know who won the chess game?
– They check, mate.

What do Australians in a restaurant and chess players have in common?
– “Check mate”

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