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Chess jokes ♟♞♜ in 2024

Chess is banned under Islam
– They hate that the queen moves freely.

The president of my chess club was arrested today.
– Apparently he had a chequered past.

For Me, Chess is a Lot Like Tinder
– I know a few openings, but continually struggle to put myself into mating positions

I like playing chess with bald people in the park
– The problem is, it’s kinda hard to find 32 of them

I had dinner with a chess master

Why do British people love playing chess?
– Coz no-one can kill their Queen.

Why is it so confusing to play chess with an Australian?
– Because every “check” is a “check, mate!”

How do Australians know who won the chess game?
– They check, mate.

What do Australians in a restaurant and chess players have in common?
– “Check mate”

The Chess Grand Master was embarrassed when they found out he used to play a much simpler game…
…that’s right, he had a “checkered past.”

“My wife said, she will leave me, when I take part in this chess tournament next week.”
“So what will you do?”
“1.e4, like always!”

When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally.
– Classic rook-y mistake.

You can never enjoy a game of Chess against an Australian.
– Everytime he checks, you’ll think he’s won the game.

What’s Bin Laden’s favorite chess opening?
– Pwn to C4

Why can’t Michael Jackson play chess?
– Because he is dead.

Why are Australian security guards so good at playing chess?
– They always check, mate

For me, chess is a lot like Tinder…
– I know a few openings, but struggle to get into mating positions

African Grey Parrots are famously intelligent, but studies have shown that they consistently lose chess matches against ravens, jackdaws, and other corvids.
Said one researcher, “They just have trouble weighing the crows and pawns.”

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