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Chess jokes ♟♞♜ in 2022

A chess player joined the Mormon Church. One day he wanted to take part in a chess tournament held on a Sunday.
“The heavenly father does not allow this… to play games on Sundays.”, one of the church members said to him.
The chess player left the Mormon Church the following days and never returned.

The first rule of Alzheimers club,
– Is don’t talk about chess club

At the weekend, I like to play chess with elderly men in the park. But it’s becoming increasingly harder..
..to find exactly 32 of them.

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. The man watched the game in astonishment for a while.
“I can hardly believe my eyes!” he said. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.”
“He’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.”

2 Psychics are playing a game of chess…
– They look at the board and then firmly shake their hands and nod and say “Good Game!”
and leave.

What did the English chav say when he won a game of chess?
– Check m8.

A chess joke: What’s the difference between a rook and a bishop?
– Rooks can only move in straight lines, whereas bishops have sex with kids.

Chess Champion
The reporter asked the reigning chess grandmaster “What do you do before your games ?”
“Well”, said the champ, “I never have sex on the night before a big match”
“Does that help you concentrate? ”
“I’m not sure” he sighed “I don’t have sex any other night either”.

Why is the US bad at chess?
– We have no kings, no queens, and we already lost 2 towers

I went to lunch with a champion chess player.
– It took him 8 minutes to pass me the salt…

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Queen.

Queen who?

Queen your room, it’s a mess.

Yeah, I lost to my computer at chess.
– But it turned out to be no match for me at kickboxing.

Bob Seger sits in a park with a tired-eyed old man. He’s learning how to play chess.
After going over the layout and setup of the board, the old man begins a lesson on to the movement of the individual pieces.
Queens move in all directions, any distance. Kings are the same but with only one space. He didn’t understand the knight, though.
Two in one direction, then one to the side.
Hm, funny how the knight moves.

I defeated a chess grand master in three moves.
– I stood up; picked up a chair and hit him with it.

How do chess players stay in shape?
– They lift rooks.

In a park people come across a man playing chess against a dog. They are astonished and say:
“What a clever dog!”
But the man protests:
“No, no, he isn’t that clever. I’m leading three games to one!”

Life is a lot like chess
You’ve always got to be thinking two steps ahead.
And most people want to be white.

I got a job at a chess piece factory recently…
…I’m on the knight shift next week.

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