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Chess jokes ♟♞♜ in 2023

Chess is banned under Islam
– They hate that the queen moves freely.

The president of my chess club was arrested today.
– Apparently he had a chequered past.

For Me, Chess is a Lot Like Tinder
– I know a few openings, but continually struggle to put myself into mating positions

How come Americans never play chess?
– Because they are missing two towers

What do chess and eating at a restaurant in Australia have in common?
– They both end with a check mate

Why is the white bishop piece in chess the fastest?
– Because it’s on F1.

Why is it generally a bad idea to marry chess pieces?
– Well many would think of it as a Rook-ie mistake

Two chess players are immersed in a game of chess:
Suddenly one of them makes a move and shouts: “Check!”
The other: “Shut up, Idiot!”

I was playing chess with my Australian friend
He moved his queen in front of my king and said “check, mate”.
I replied and said, “you didn’t win though?”
Confused he said, “mate, I know.”

Life is like a game of chess
– I cant play chess

What is the favourite move of a chess player suffering from OCD?
– *double-check*

Two men are playing chess in Australia
One guy asks “What’s your ethnicity?”
As he knocks over the king, the other guy responds “Czech, mate”

Chess enthusiasts meet in their hotel after a tournament…
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ‘But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

I played chess with my friend from Central Europe.
– Czech mate.

The president of my chess club was arrested today.
– Apparently he had a chequered past.

Why can’t Michael Jackson play chess?
– He can’t decide which color to use

Anti-vaxxers are like teaching a pigeon to play chess…
– They don’t know jack about it, they don’t wanna hear you explain it, and in the end they knock down the pieces and strut around like they won the game.

Ready to start knocking? Get going with these funnies.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Bishop who?

Bishop who just put you in check.

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