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Shoe jokes 👟👠 in 2023

Which are Captain Hook’s least favourite shoes?
– Crocs.

What kind of shoes does a spy wear? Sneakers.

Why do rappers always buy small shoes?
– ‘Cause they all have lil ft.

My homie invited me to watch a drag race.
– I showed up to the track wearing a blonde wig and running shoes and realized I grossly misunderstood what he meant.

My cousin’s shoe store burned down yesterday
– There were so many lost soles.

I just killed a huge spider running across the floor with my shoe
– I don’t care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe

Why did Santa Claus’s shoes break?
– Because he had so many missile toes.

To all of you who say I’m “obsessed with the metric system”
– Don’t judge me until you’ve walked 1609 metres in my shoes.

What happened when the shoe factory burned down?
– 500 soles were lost.

What Shoes do Spies Wear?
– Sneakers.

What shoes do you buy when your basement is flooded?
– Pumps.

What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
– Every day you’ll rise and shine.

What did Optimus Prime say when Bumblebee said “Nice shoes!”
– Thanks, they’re Vans.

So this redneck in New York is getting mugged…
– and he fights like a wildcat, but eventually the three toughs overcome him. Two hold him down while the third grabs his wallet and opens it.
“Ten dollars??!!? You fought like a madman for *15 minutes* for a lousy ten bucks?”
“Oh no!” replied the redneck. “I thought you were going after the $500 in my shoe!”

If shoe size really is directly related to the size of a man’s package..
– Then clowns are way scarier than we all thought.

What kind of shoes do mice wear?
– Squeakers.

The guy who invented velcro shoes thought to himself
– ‘Why knot?’

What type of shoes does Voldemort wear?
– Horcrocs

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