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Fitness jokes 💪🏋️ in 2023

What do you call someone who’s attracted to anyone with big muscles?
– A bicep-ual.

It was a real pain canceling my gym membership…
– They made me hand in a too weak notice.

I always start my gym sessions with 20 minutes of stretching, pulling, and bending.
– Then I’ve finally got my gym clothes on and I can start my workout.

A woman asked her personal trainer if he could help her learn to do the splits. “Maybe,” the trainer answered. “How flexible are you?”
– The woman said, “Well I can’t do Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

The gyms must remain open
– The Constitution guarantees freedom of the press

What is the bodybuilder’s version of cardio?
– Lifting weights faster.

Did you hear about the banana gymnast?
– She was great at splits!

Why is the heart the strongest muscle in the body?
– Because it’s always pumping iron.

Some people go to therapy but I just go to the gym.
– Benching is a great way to get stuff off your chest.

Today I asked a hot girl at the gym what her New Year’s resolution was
– She replied, “to get people on reddit to quit repeating the same stupid joke.”

A peephole was found in the gym locker rooms.
– The police are looking into it.

A man moved into a new apartment and was telling his work-out buddy about it in the locker room.
– The buddy asked, “Is there a gym in the building?”

Why did the bodybuilder cross the road?
– He didn’t. Yesterday was leg day.

I got into an heated negotiation with someone on offerup over some gym equipment.
– Hopefully it works out in my favor.

My friend and I opened a gym for ants.
– He thinks the business is failing and quit this morning but I’m still working out the bugs.

It’s been six months since I joined the gym, and still no progress!
– I’m going there in-person tomorrow to see what’s going on.

How did the brontosaurus feel after his workout?
– Dino-sore.

A man walks into a gym and asks the receptionist: “what machine should I use to impress women?”
– She responded swiftly (pointing outside the door) saying “The ATM machine, sir…”

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