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Doctor jokes 👨‍⚕️ in 2022

I went to the doctor this morning and said, “I’ve swallowed a golf ball.”
-The doctor said, “Yes, I can see it’s gone down a fairway.”

Patient: “Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up a point or more?”
-Doctor: “Sell!”

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
-She told me to stop going to those places.

Patient: “Doctor, you told me I have a month to live and then you sent me a bill for $1,000. I can’t pay that before the end of the month!”
-Doctor: “OK, then you have six months to live.”

Why did the doctor lose his temper? Teacher Without Students?
-Because he didn’t have any patients!

Who do you call when you need a doctor immediately?
-The nearest golf course.

Why do surgeons wear masks?
– So no one will recognize them when they make a mistake.

My dermatologist was fired today.
– I’m told he made too many rash decisions.

A farmer counted 298 cows in his field.
-When he rounded them up, he had 300.

Why did the banana go to the doctor?
-He wasn’t peeling well.

I’ve never vaccinated any of my kids.
-I just pay the pediatrician to do it.

What did the doctor say to the rocket ship?
– “Time to get your booster shot!”

Why did the robot go to the doctor?
– She had a virus!

Patient to friend: “I saw the doctor today about my loss of memory.”
Friend: “What did he say?”
-Patient: “He asked me to pay him in advance.”.

Patient: “Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.”
-Doctor: “Sit down and don’t stir.”

The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, “I cannot hide the fact that you are very ill. Is there anyone you would like to see?”
-Yes,” replied the patient faintly. “Another doctor.

A dermatologist makes a fortune selling skin cream and runs off with the money.
-Rumor has it he was last spotted on his way to a topical island.

Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I think I am losing my memory!”
Doctor: “When did that happen?”
-Patient: “When did what happen?”

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